Barry Lyndon

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'Was the British Ambassador there?' I asked, in a tone of the
greatest alarm, and added, 'For Heaven's sake, sir, do not tell my
name to him, or he might ask to have me delivered up: and I have no
fancy to go to be hanged in my dear native country.' Potzdorff,
laughing, said he would take care that I should remain where I was,
on which I swore eternal gratitude to him.

Some days afterwards, and with rather a grave face, he said to me,
'Redmond, I have been talking to our colonel about you, and as I
wondered that a fellow of your courage and talents had not been
advanced during the war, the general said they had had their eye
upon you: that you were a gallant soldier, and had evidently come of
a good stock; that no man in the regiment had had less fault found
with him; but that no man merited promotion less. You were idle,
dissolute, and unprincipled; you had done a deal of harm to the men;
and, for all your talents and bravery, he was sure would come to no
good.'

'Sir!' said I, quite astonished that any mortal man should have
formed such an opinion of me, 'I hope General Bulow is mistaken
regarding my character. I have fallen into bad company, it is true;
but I have only done as other soldiers have done; and, above all, I
have never had a kind friend and protector before, to whom I might
show that I was worthy of better things. The general may say I am a
ruined lad, and send me to the d---l: but be sure of this, I would go
to the d---l to serve YOU.' This speech I saw pleased my patron very
much; and, as I was very discreet and useful in a thousand delicate
ways to him, he soon came to have a sincere attachment for me. One
day, or rather night, when he was tete-a-tete with the lady of the
Tabaks Rath von Dose for instance, I--But there is no use in telling
affairs which concern nobody now.

Four months after my letter to my mother, I got, under cover to the
Captain, a reply, which created in my mind a yearning after home,
and a melancholy which I cannot describe. I had not seen the dear
soul's writing for five years. All the old days, and the fresh happy
sunshine of the old green fields in Ireland, and her love, and my
uncle, and Phil Purcell, and everything that I had done and thought,
came back to me as I read the letter; and when I was alone I cried
over it, as I hadn't done since the day when Nora jilted me. I took
care not to show my feelings to the regiment or my captain: but that
night, when I was to have taken tea at the Garden-house outside
Brandenburg Gate, with Fraulein Lottchen (the Tabaks Rathinn's
gentlewoman of company), I somehow had not the courage to go; but
begged to be excused, and went early to bed in barracks, out of
which I went and came now almost as I willed, and passed a long
night weeping and thinking about dear Ireland.

Next day, my spirits rose again and I got a ten-guinea bill cashed,
which my mother sent in the letter, and gave a handsome treat to
some of my acquaintance. The poor soul's letter was blotted all over
with tears, full of texts, and written in the wildest incoherent
way. She said she was delighted to think I was under a Protestant
prince, though she feared he was not in the right way: that right
way, she said, she had the blessing to find, under the guidance of
the Reverend Joshua Jowls, whom she sat under. She said he was a
precious chosen vessel; a sweet ointment and precious box of
spikenard; and made use of a great number more phrases that I could
not understand; but one thing was clear in the midst of all this
jargon, that the good soul loved her son still, and thought and
prayed day and night for her wild Redmond. Has it not come across
many a poor fellow, in a solitary night's watch, or in sorrow,
sickness, or captivity, that at that very minute, most likely, his
mother is praying for him? I often have had these thoughts; but they
are none of the gayest, and it's quite as well that they don't come
to you in company; for where would be a set of jolly fellows then?--
as mute as undertakers at a funeral, I promise you. I drank my
mother's health that night in a bumper, and lived like a gentleman
whilst the money lasted. She pinched herself to give it me, as she
told me afterwards; and Mr. Jowls was very wroth with her. Although
the good soul's money was very quickly spent, I was not long in
getting more; for I had a hundred ways of getting it, and became a
universal favourite with the Captain and his friends. Now, it was
Madame von Dose who gave me a Frederic-d'or for bringing her a
bouquet or a letter from the Captain; now it was, on the contrary,
the old Privy Councillor who treated me with a bottle of Rhenish,
and slipped into my hand a dollar or two, in order that I might give
him some information regarding the liaison between my captain and
his lady. But though I was not such a fool as not to take his money,
you may be sure I was not dishonourable enough to betray my
benefactor; and he got very little out of ME. When the Captain and
the lady fell out, and he began to pay his addresses to the rich
daughter of the Dutch Minister, I don't know how many more letters
and guineas the unfortunate Tabaks Rathinn handed over to me, that I
might get her lover back again. But such returns are rare in love,
and the Captain used only to laugh at her stale sighs and
entreaties. In the house of Mynheer Van Guldensack I made myself so
pleasant to high and low, that I came to be quite intimate there:
and got the knowledge of a state secret or two, which surprised and
pleased my captain very much. These little hints he carried to his
uncle, the Minister of Police, who, no doubt, made his advantage of
them; and thus I began to be received quite in a confidential light
by the Potzdorff family, and became a mere nominal soldier, being
allowed to appear in plain clothes (which were, I warrant you, of a
neat fashion), and to enjoy myself in a hundred ways, which the poor
fellows my comrades envied. As for the sergeants, they were as civil
to me as to an officer: it was as much as their stripes were worth
to offend a person who had the ear of the Minister's nephew. There
was in my company a young fellow by the name of Kurz, who was six
feet high in spite of his name, and whose life I had saved in some
affair of the war. What does this lad do, after I had recounted to
him one of my adventures, but call me a spy and informer, and beg me
not to call him DU any more, as is the fashion with young men when
they are very intimate. I had nothing for it but to call him out;
but I owed him no grudge. I disarmed him in a twinkling; and as I
sent his sword flying over his head, said to him, 'Kurz, did ever
you know a man guilty of a mean action who can do as I do now?' This
silenced the rest of the grumblers; and no man ever sneered at me
after that.

No man can suppose that to a person of my fashion the waiting in
antechambers, the conversation of footmen and hangers-on, was
pleasant. But it was not more degrading than the barrack-room, of
which I need not say I was heartily sick. My protestations of liking
for the army were all intended to throw dust into the eyes of my
employer. I sighed to be out of slavery. I knew I was born to make a
figure in the world. Had I been one of the Neiss garrison, I would
have cut my way to freedom by the side of the gallant Frenchman; but
here I had only artifice to enable me to attain my end, and was not
I justified in employing it? My plan was this: I may make myself so
necessary to M. de Potzdorff, that he will obtain my freedom. Once
free, with my fine person and good family, I will do what ten
thousand Irish gentlemen have done before, and will marry a lady of
fortune and condition. And the proof that I was, if not
disinterested, at least actuated by a noble ambition, is this. There
was a fat grocer's widow in Berlin with six hundred thalers of rent,
and a good business, who gave me to understand that she would
purchase my discharge if I would marry her; but I frankly told her
that I was not made to be a grocer, and thus absolutely flung away a
chance of freedom which she offered me.

And I was grateful to my employers; more grateful than they to me.
The Captain was in debt, and had dealings with the Jews, to whom he
gave notes of hand payable on his uncle's death. The old Herr von
Potzdorff, seeing the confidence his nephew had in me, offered to
bribe me to know what the young man's affairs really were. But what
did I do? I informed Monsieur George von Potzdorff of the fact; and
we made out, in concert, a list of little debts, so moderate, that
they actually appeased the old uncle instead of irritating, and he
paid them, being glad to get off so cheap.

And a pretty return I got for this fidelity. One morning, the old
gentleman being closeted with his nephew (he used to come to get any
news stirring as to what the young officers of the regiment were
doing: whether this or that gambled; who intrigued, and with whom;
who was at the ridotto on such a night; who was in debt, and what
not; for the King liked to know the business of every officer in his
army), I was sent with a letter to the Marquis d'Argens (that
afterwards married Mademoiselle Cochois the actress), and, meeting
the Marquis at a few paces off in the street, gave my message, and
returned to the Captain's lodging. He and his worthy uncle were
making my unworthy self the subject of conversation.

'He is noble,' said the Captain.

'Bah!' replied the uncle (whom I could have throttled for his
insolence). 'All the beggarly Irish who ever enlisted tell the same
story.'

'He was kidnapped by Galgenstein,' resumed the other.

'A kidnapped deserter,' said M. Potzdorff; 'la belle affaire!'

'Well, I promised the lad I would ask for his discharge; and I am
sure you can make him useful.'

'You HAVE asked his discharge,' answered the elder, laughing. 'Bon
Dieu! You are a model of probity! You'll never succeed to my place,
George, if you are no wiser than you are just now. Make the fellow
as useful to you as you please. He has a good manner and a frank
countenance. He can lie with an assurance that I never saw
surpassed, and fight, you say, on a pinch. The scoundrel does not
want for good qualities; but he is vain, a spendthrift, and a
bavard. As long as you have the regiment in terrorem over him, you
can do as you like with him. Once let him loose, and the lad is
likely to give you the slip. Keep on promising him; promise to make
him a general, if you like. What the deuce do I care? There are
spies enough to be had in this town without him.'

It was thus that the services I rendered to M. Potzdorff were
qualified by that ungrateful old gentleman; and I stole away from
the room extremely troubled in spirit, to think that another of my
fond dreams was thus dispelled; and that my hopes of getting out of
the army, by being useful to the Captain, were entirely vain. For
some time my despair was such, that I thought of marrying the widow;
but the marriages of privates are never allowed without the direct
permission of the King; and it was a matter of very great doubt
whether His Majesty would allow a young fellow of twenty-two, the
handsomest man of his army, to be coupled to a pimplefaced old widow
of sixty, who was quite beyond the age when her marriage would be
likely to multiply the subjects of His Majesty. This hope of liberty
was therefore vain; nor could I hope to purchase my discharge,
unless any charitable soul would lend me a large sum of money; for,
though I made a good deal, as I have said, yet I have always had
through life an incorrigible knack of spending, and (such is my
generosity of disposition) have been in debt ever since I was born.

My captain, the sly rascal! gave me a very different version of his
conversation with his uncle to that which I knew to be the true one;
and said smilingly to me, 'Redmond, I have spoken to the Minister
regarding thy services,[Footnote: The service about which Mr. Barry
here speaks has, and we suspect purposely, been described by him in
very dubious terms. It is most probable that he was employed to wait
at the table of strangers in Berlin, and to bring to the Police
Minister any news concerning them which might at all interest the
Government. The great Frederick never received a guest without
taking these hospitable precautions; and as for the duels which Mr.
Barry fights, may we be allowed to hint a doubt as to a great number
of these combats. It will be observed, in one or two other parts of
his Memoirs, that whenever he is at an awkward pass, or does what
the world does not usually consider respectable, a duel, in which he
is victorious, is sure to ensue; from which he argues that he is a
man of undoubted honour.] and thy fortune is made. We shall get thee
out of the army, appoint thee to the police bureau, and procure for
thee an inspectorship of customs; and, in fine, allow thee to move
in a better sphere than that in which Fortune has hitherto placed
thee.

Although I did not believe a word of this speech, I affected to be
very much moved by it, and of course swore eternal gratitude to the
Captain for his kindness to the poor Irish castaway.

'Your service at the Dutch Minister's has pleased me very well.
There is another occasion on which you may make yourself useful to
us; and if you succeed, depend on it your reward will be secure.'

'What is the service, sir?' said I; 'I will do anything for so kind
a master.'

'There is lately come to Berlin,' said the Captain, 'a gentleman in
the service of the Empress-Queen, who calls himself the Chevalier de
Balibari, and wears the red riband and star of the Pope's order of
the Spur. He speaks Italian or French indifferently; but we have
some reason to fancy this Monsieur de Balibari is a native of your
country of Ireland. Did you ever hear such a name as Balibari in
Ireland?'

'Balibari? Balyb--?' A sudden thought flashed across me. 'No, sir,'
said I, 'I never heard the name.'

'You must go into his service. Of course you will not know a word of
English: and if the Chevalier asks as to the particularity of your
accent, say you are a Hungarian. The servant who came with him will
be turned away to-day, and the person to whom he has applied for a
faithful fellow will recommend you. You are a Hungarian; you served
in the Seven Years' War. You left the army on account of weakness of
the loins. You served Monsieur de Quellenberg two years; he is now
with the army in Silesia, but there is your certificate signed by
him. You afterwards lived with Doctor Mopsius, who will give you a
character, if need be; and the landlord of the "Star" will, of
course, certify that you are an honest fellow: but his certificate
goes for nothing. As for the rest of your story, you can fashion
that as you will, and make it as romantic or as ludicrous as your
fancy dictates. Try, however, to win the Chevalier's confidence by
provoking his compassion. He gambles a great deal, and WINS. Do you
know the cards well?'

'Only a very little, as soldiers do.'

'I had thought you more expert. You must find out if the Chevalier
cheats; if he does, we have him. He sees the English and Austrian
envoys continually, and the young men of either Ministry sup
repeatedly at his house. Find out what they talk of; for how much
each plays, especially if any of them play on parole: if you can
read his private letters, of course you will; though about those
which go to the post, you need not trouble yourself; we look at them
there. But never see him write a note without finding out to whom it
goes, and by what channel or messenger. He sleeps with the keys of
his despatch-box on a string round his neck. Twenty Frederics, if
you get an impression of the keys. You will, of course, go in plain
clothes. You had best brush the powder out of your hair, and tie it
with a riband simply; your moustache you must of course shave off.

With these instructions, and a very small gratuity, the Captain left
me. When I again saw him, he was amused at the change in my
appearance. I had, not without a pang (for they were as black as
jet, and curled elegantly), shaved off my moustaches; had removed
the odious grease and flour, which I always abominated, out of my
hair; had mounted a demure French grey coat, black satin breeches,
and a maroon plush waistcoat, and a hat without a cockade. I looked
as meek and humble as any servant out of place could possibly
appear; and I think not my own regiment, which was now at the review
at Potsdam, would have known me. Thus accoutred, I went to the 'Star
Hotel,' where this stranger was,--my heart beating with anxiety, and
something telling me that this Chevalier de Balibari was no other
than Barry, of Ballybarry, my father's eldest brother, who had given
up his estate in consequence of his obstinate adherence to the
Romish superstition. Before I went in to present myself, I went to
look in the remises at his carriage. Had he the Barry arms? Yes,
there they were: argent, a bend gules, with four escallops of the
field,--the ancient coat of my house. They were painted in a shield
about as big as my hat, on a smart chariot handsomely gilded,
surmounted with a coronet, and supported by eight or nine Cupids,
cornucopias, and flower-baskets, according to the queer heraldic
fashion of those days. It must be he! I felt quite feint as I went
up the stairs. I was going to present myself before my uncle in the
character of a servant!

'You are the young man whom M. de Seebach recommended?'

I bowed, and handed him a letter from that gentleman, with which my
captain had taken care to provide me. As he looked at it I had
leisure to examine him. My uncle was a man of sixty years of age,
dressed superbly in a coat and breeches of apricot-coloured velvet,
a white satin waistcoat embroidered with gold like the coat. Across
his breast went the purple riband of his order of the Spur; and the
star of the order, an enormous one, sparkled on his breast. He had
rings on all his fingers, a couple of watches in his fobs, a rich
diamond solitaire in the black riband round his neck, and fastened
to the bag of his wig; his ruffles and frills were decorated with a
profusion of the richest lace. He had pink silk stockings rolled
over the knee, and tied with gold garters; and enormous diamond
buckles to his red-heeled shoes. A sword mounted in gold, in a white
fish-skin scabbard; and a hat richly laced, and lined with white
feathers, which were lying on a table beside him, completed the
costume of this splendid gentleman. In height he was about my size,
that is, six feet and half an inch; his cast of features singularly
like mine, and extremely distingue. One of his eyes was closed with
a black patch, however; he wore a little white and red paint, by no
means an unusual ornament in those days; and a pair of moustaches,
which fell over his lip and hid a mouth that I afterwards found had
rather a disagreeable expression. When his beard was removed, the
upper teeth appeared to project very much; and his countenance wore
a ghastly fixed smile, by no means pleasant.

It was very imprudent of me; but when I saw the splendour of his
appearance, the nobleness of his manner, I felt it impossible to
keep disguise with him; and when he said, 'Ah, you are a Hungarian,
I see!' I could hold no longer.

'Sir,' said I, 'I am an Irishman, and my name is Redmond Barry, of
Ballybarry.' As I spoke, I burst into tears; I can't tell why; but I
had seen none of my kith or kin for six years, and my heart longed
for some one.

CHAPTER VIII

BARRY'S ADIEU TO MILITARY PROFESSION

You who have never been out of your country, know little what it is
to hear a friendly voice in captivity; and there's many a man that
will not understand the cause of the burst of feeling which I have
confessed took place on my seeing my uncle. He never for a minute
thought to question the truth of what I said. 'Mother of God!' cried
he, 'it's my brother Harry's son.' And I think in my heart he was as
much affected as I was at thus suddenly finding one of his kindred;
for he, too, was an exile from home, and a friendly voice, a look,
brought the old country back to his memory again, and the old days
of his boyhood. 'I'd give five years of my life to see them again,'
said he, after caressing me very warmly. 'What?' asked I. 'Why,'
replied he, 'the green fields, and the river, and the old round
tower, and the burying-place at Ballybarry. 'Twas a shame for your
father to part with the land, Redmond, that went so long with the
name.'

He then began to ask me concerning myself, and I gave him my history
at some length; at which the worthy gentleman laughed many times,
saying, that I was a Barry all over. In the middle of my story he
would stop me, to make me stand back to back, and measure with him
(by which I ascertained that our heights were the same, and that my
uncle had a stiff knee, moreover, which made him walk in a peculiar
way), and uttered, during the course of the narrative, a hundred
exclamations of pity, and kindness, and sympathy. It was 'Holy
Saints!' and 'Mother of Heaven!' and 'Blessed Mary!' continually; by
which, and with justice, I concluded that he was still devotedly
attached to the ancient faith of our family.

It was with some difficulty that I came to explain to him the last
part of my history, viz., that I was put into his service as a watch
upon his actions, of which I was to give information in a certain
quarter. When I told him (with a great deal of hesitation) of this
fact, he burst out laughing, and enjoyed the joke amazingly. 'The
rascals!' said he; 'they think to catch me, do they? Why, Redmond,
my chief conspiracy is a faro-bank. But the King is so jealous, that
he will see a spy in every person who comes to his miserable capital
in the great sandy desert here. Ah, my boy, I must show you Paris
and Vienna!'

I said there was nothing I longed for more than to see any city but
Berlin, and should be delighted to be free of the odious military
service. Indeed, I thought, from his splendour of appearance, the
knickknacks about the room, the gilded carriage in the remise, that
my uncle was a man of vast property; and that he would purchase a
dozen, nay, a whole regiment of substitutes, in order to restore me
to freedom.

But I was mistaken in my calculations regarding him, as his history
of himself speedily showed me. 'I have been beaten about the world,'
said he, 'ever since the year 1742, when my brother your father (and
Heaven forgive him) cut my family estate from under my heels, by
turning heretic, in order to marry that scold of a mother of yours.
Well, let bygones be bygones. 'Tis probable that I should have run
through the little property as he did in my place, and I should have
had to begin a year or two later the life I have been leading ever
since I was compelled to leave Ireland. My lad, I have been in every
service; and, between ourselves, owe money in every capital in
Europe. I made a campaign or two with the Pandours under Austrian
Trenck. I was captain in the Guard of His Holiness the Pope, I made
the campaign of Scotland with the Prince of Wales--a bad fellow, my
dear, caring more for his mistress and his brandy-bottle than for
the crowns of the three kingdoms. I have served in Spain and in
Piedmont; but I have been a rolling stone, my good fellow. Play--
play has been my ruin; that and beauty' (here he gave a leer which
made him, I must confess, look anything but handsome; besides, his
rouged cheeks were all beslobbered with the tears which he had shed
on receiving me). 'The women have made a fool of me, my dear
Redmond. I am a soft-hearted creature, and this minute, at sixty-
two, have no more command of myself than when Peggy O'Dwyer made a
fool of me at sixteen.'

''Faith sir,' says I, laughing, 'I think it runs in the family!' and
described to him, much to his amusement, my romantic passion for my
cousin, Nora Brady. He resumed his narrative.

'The cards now are my only livelihood. Sometimes I am in luck, and
then I lay out my money in these trinkets you see. It's property,
look you, Redmond; and the only way I have found of keeping a little
about me. When the luck goes against me, why, my dear, my diamonds
go to the pawnbrokers, and I wear paste. Friend Moses the goldsmith
will pay me a visit this very day; for the chances have been against
me all the week past, and I must raise money for the bank to-night.
Do you understand the cards?'

I replied that I could play as soldiers do, but had no great skill.

'We will practise in the morning, my boy,' said he, 'and I'll put
you up to a thing or two worth knowing.'

Of course I was glad to have such an opportunity of acquiring
knowledge, and professed myself delighted to receive my uncle's
instruction.

The Chevalier's account of himself rather disagreeably affected me.
All his show was on his back, as he said. His carriage, with the
fine gilding, was a part of his stock in trade. He HAD a sort of
mission from the Austrian Court:--it was to discover whether a
certain quantity of alloyed ducats which had been traced to Berlin,
were from the King's treasury. But the real end of Monsieur de
Balibari was play. There was a young attache of the English embassy,
my Lord Deuceace, afterwards Viscount and Earl of Crabs in the
English peerage, who was playing high; and it was after hearing of
the passion of this young English nobleman that my uncle, then at
Prague, determined to visit Berlin and engage him. For there is a
sort of chivalry among the knights of the dice-box: the fame of
great players is known all over Europe. I have known the Chevalier
de Casanova, for instance, to travel six hundred miles, from Paris
to Turin, for the purpose of meeting Mr. Charles Fox, then only my
Lord Holland's dashing son, afterwards the greatest of European
orators and statesmen.

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