The Garotters

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This etext was produced from the 1897 David Douglas edition by David
Price, email ccx074@coventry.ac.uk

THE GAROTTERS

by William D. Howells

PART FIRST

SCENE I: MRS. ROBERTS; THEN MR. ROBERTS

At the window of her apartment in Hotel Bellingham, Mrs. Roberts
stands looking out into the early nightfall. A heavy snow is
driving without, and from time to time the rush of the wind and the
sweep of the flakes against the panes are heard. At the sound of
hurried steps in the anteroom, Mrs. Roberts turns from the window,
and runs to the portiere, through which she puts her head.

MRS. ROBERTS: 'Is that you, Edward? So dark here! We ought really
to keep the gas turned up all the time.'

MR. ROBERTS, in a muffled voice, from without: 'Yes, it's I.'

MRS. ROBERTS: 'Well, hurry in to the fire, do! Ugh, what a storm!
Do you suppose anybody will come? You must be half frozen, you poor
thing! Come quick, or you'll certainly perish!' She flies from the
portiere to the fire burning on the hearth, pokes it, flings on a
log, jumps back, brushes from her dress with a light shriek the
sparks driven out upon it, and continues talking incessantly in a
voice lifted for her husband to hear in the anteroom. 'If I'd
dreamed it was any such storm as this, I should never have let you
go out in it in the world. It wasn't at all necessary to have the
flowers. I could have got on perfectly well, and I believe NOW the
table would look better without them. The chrysanthemums would have
been quite enough; and I know you've taken more cold. I could tell
it by your voice as soon as you spoke; and just as quick as they're
gone to-night I'm going to have you bathe your feet in mustard and
hot water, and take eight of aconite, and go straight to bed. And I
don't want you to eat very much at dinner, dear, and you must be
sure not to drink any coffee, or the aconite won't be of the least
use.' She turns and encounters her husband, who enters through the
portiere, his face pale, his eyes wild, his white necktie pulled out
of knot, and his shirt front rumpled. 'Why, Edward, what in the
world is the matter? What has happened?'

ROBERTS, sinking into a chair: 'Get me a glass of water, Agnes--
wine--whisky--brandy--'

MRS. ROBERTS, bustling wildly about: 'Yes, yes. But what--Bella!
Bridget! Maggy!--Oh, I'll go for it myself, and I WON'T stop to
listen! Only--only don't die!' While Roberts remains with his eyes
shut, and his head sunk on his breast in token of extreme
exhaustion, she disappears and reappears through the door leading to
her chamber, and then through the portiere cutting off the dining-
room. She finally descends upon her husband with a flagon of
cologne in one hand, a small decanter of brandy in the other, and a
wineglass held in the hollow of her arm against her breast. She
contrives to set the glass down on the mantel and fill it from the
flagon, then she turns with the decanter in her hand, and while she
presses the glass to her husband's lips, begins to pour the brandy
on his head. 'Here! this will revive you, and it'll refresh you to
have this cologne on your head.'

ROBERTS, rejecting a mouthful of the cologne with a furious sputter,
and springing to his feet: 'Why, you've given me the cologne to
DRINK, Agnes! What are you about? Do you want to poison me? Isn't
it enough to be robbed at six o'clock on the Common, without having
your head soaked in brandy, and your whole system scented up like a
barber's shop, when you get home?'

MRS. ROBERTS: 'Robbed?' She drops the wineglass, puts the decanter
down on the hearth, and carefully bestowing the flagon of cologne in
the wood-box, abandons herself to justice: 'Then let them come for
me at once, Edward! If I could have the heart to send you out in
such a night as this for a few wretched rosebuds, I'm quite equal to
poisoning you. Oh, Edward, WHO robbed you?'

ROBERTS: 'That's what I don't know.' He continues to wipe his head
with his handkerchief, and to sputter a little from time to time.
'All I know is that when I got--phew!--to that dark spot by the Frog
Pond, just by--phew!--that little group of--phew!--evergreens, you
know--phew!--'

MRS. ROBERTS: 'Yes, yes; go on! I can bear it, Edward.'

ROBERTS: '--a man brushed heavily against me, and then hurried on
in the other direction. I had unbuttoned my coat to look at my
watch under the lamp-post, and after he struck against me I clapped
my hand to my waistcoat, and--phew!--'

MRS. ROBERTS: 'Waistcoat! Yes!'

ROBERTS: '--found my watch gone.'

MRS. ROBERTS: 'What! Your watch? The watch Willis gave you? Made
out of the gold that he mined himself when he first went out to
California? Don't ask me to believe it, Edward! But I'm only too
glad that you escaped with your life. Let them have the watch and
welcome. Oh, nay dear, dear husband!' She approaches him with
extended arms, and then suddenly arrests herself. 'But you've got
it on!'

ROBERTS, with as much returning dignity as can comport with his
dishevelled appearance: 'Yes; I took it from him.' At his wife's
speechless astonishment: 'I went after him and took it from him.'
He sits down, and continues with resolute calm, while his wife
remains standing before him motionless: 'Agnes, I don't know how I
came to do it. I wouldn't have believed I could do it. I've never
thought that I had much courage--physical courage; but when I felt
my watch was gone, a sort of frenzy came over me. I wasn't hurt;
and for the first time in my life I realised what an abominable
outrage theft was. The thought that at six o'clock in the evening,
in the very heart of a great city like Boston, an inoffensive
citizen could be assaulted and robbed, made me furious. I didn't
call out. I simply buttoned my coat tight round me and turned and
ran after the fellow.'

MRS. ROBERTS: 'Edward!'

ROBERTS: 'Yes, I did. He hadn't got half-a-dozen rods away--it all
took place in a flash--and I could easily run him down. He was
considerably larger than I--'

MRS. ROBERTS: 'Oh!'

ROBERTS: '--and he looked young and very athletic; but these things
didn't seem to make any impression on me.'

MRS. ROBERTS: 'Oh, I wonder that you live to tell the tale,
Edward!'

ROBERTS: 'Well, I wonder a little at myself. I don't set up for a
great deal of--'

MRS. ROBERTS: 'But I always knew you had it! Go on. Oh, when I
tell Willis of this! Had the robber any accomplices? Were there
many of them?'

ROBERTS: 'I only saw one. And I saw that my only chance was to
take him at a disadvantage. I sprang upon him, and pulled him over
on his back. I merely said, "I'll trouble you for that watch of
mine, if you please," jerked open his coat, snatched the watch from
his pocket--I broke the chain, I see--and then left him and ran
again. He didn't make the slightest resistance nor utter a word.
Of course it wouldn't do for him to make any noise about it, and I
dare say he was glad to get off so easily.' With affected
nonchalance: 'I'm pretty badly rumpled, I see. He fell against me,
and a scuffle like that doesn't improve one's appearance.'

MRS. ROBERTS, very solemnly: 'Edward! I don't know what to say!
Of course it makes my blood run cold to realise what you have been
through, and to think what might have happened; but I think you
behaved splendidly. Why, I never heard of such perfect heroism!
You needn't tell ME that he made no resistance. There was a deadly
struggle--your necktie and everything about you shows it. And you
needn't think there was only one of them--'

ROBERTS, modestly: 'I don't believe there was more.'

MRS. ROBERTS: 'Nonsense! There are ALWAYS two! I've read the
accounts of those garottings. And to think you not only got out of
their clutches alive, but got your property back--Willis's watch!
Oh, what WILL Willis say? But I know how proud of you he'll be.
Oh, I wish I could scream it from the house-tops. Why didn't you
call the police?'

ROBERTS: 'I didn't think--I hadn't time to think.'

MRS. ROBERTS: 'No matter. I'm glad you have ALL the glory of it.
I don't believe you half realise what you've been through now. And
perhaps this was the robbers' first attempt, and it will be a lesson
to them. Oh yes! I'm glad you let them escape, Edward. They may
have families. If every one behaved as you've done, there would
soon be an end of garotting. But, oh! I can't bear to think of the
danger you've run. And I want you to promise me never, never to
undertake such a thing again!'

ROBERTS: 'Well, I don't know--'

MRS. ROBERTS: 'Yes, yes; you must! Suppose you had got killed in
that awful struggle with those reckless wretches tugging to get away
from you! Think of the children! Why, you might have burst a
blood-vessel! Will you promise, Edward? Promise this instant, on
your bended knees, just as if you were in a court of justice!' Mrs.
Roberts's excitement mounts, and she flings herself at her husband's
feet, and pulls his face down to hers with the arm she has thrown
about his neck. 'Will you promise?'

SCENE II: MRS. CRASHAW; MR. AND MRS. ROBERTS

MRS. CRASHAW, entering unobserved: 'Promise you what, Agnes? The
man doesn't smoke NOW. What more can you ask?' She starts back
from the spectacle of Roberts's disordered dress. 'Why, what's
happened to you, Edward?'

MRS. ROBERTS, springing to her feet: 'Oh, you may well ask that,
Aunt Mary! Happened? You ought to fall down and worship him! And
you WILL when you know what he's been through. He's been robbed!'

MRS. CRASHAW: 'Robbed? What nonsense! Who robbed him? WHERE was
he robbed?'

MRS. ROBERTS: 'He was attacked by two garotters--'

ROBERTS: 'No, no--'

MRS. ROBERTS: 'Don't speak, Edward! I KNOW there were two. On the
Common. Not half an hour ago. As he was going to get me some
rosebuds. In the midst of this terrible storm.'

MRS. CRASHAW: 'Is this true, Edward?'

MRS. ROBERTS: 'Don't answer, Edward! One of the band threw his arm
round Edward's neck--so.' She illustrates by garotting Mrs.
Crashaw, who disengages herself with difficulty.

MRS. CRASHAW: 'Mercy, child! What ARE you doing to my lace?'

MRS. ROBERTS: 'And the other one snatched his watch, and ran as
fast as he could.'

MRS. CRASHAW: 'Willis's watch? Why, he's got it on.'

MRS. ROBERTS, with proud delight: 'Exactly what I said when he told
me.' Then, very solemnly: 'And do you know WHY he's got it on?--
'Sh, Edward! I WILL tell! Because he ran after them and took it
back again.'

MRS. CRASHAW: 'Why, they might have killed him!'

MRS. ROBERTS: 'Of COURSE they might. But EDWARD didn't care. The
idea of being robbed at six o'clock on the Common made him so
furious that he scorned to cry out for help, or call the police, or
anything; but he just ran after them--'

ROBERTS: 'Agnes! Agnes! There was only ONE.'

MRS. ROBERTS: 'Nonsense, Edward! How could you tell, so excited as
you were?--And caught hold of the largest of the wretches--a perfect
young giant--'

ROBERTS: 'No, no; not a GIANT, my dear.'

MRS. ROBERTS: 'Well, he was YOUNG, anyway!--And flung him on the
ground.' She advances upon Mrs. Crashaw in her enthusiasm.

MRS. CRASHAW: 'Don't you fling ME on the ground, Agnes! I won't
have it.'

MRS. ROBERTS: 'And tore his coat open, while all the rest were
tugging at him, and snatched his watch, and then--and then just
walked coolly away.'

ROBERTS: 'No, my dear; I ran as fast as I could.'

MRS. ROBERTS: 'Well, RAN. It's quite the same thing, and I'm just
as proud of you as if you had walked. Of course you were not going
to throw your life away.'

MRS. CRASHAW: 'I think he did a very silly thing in going after
them at all.'

ROBERTS: 'Why, of course, if I'd thought twice about it, I
shouldn't have done it.'

MRS. ROBERTS: 'Of course you wouldn't, dear! And that's what I
want him to promise, Aunt Mary: never to do it again, no matter HOW
much he's provoked. I want him to promise it right here in your
presence, Aunt Mary!'

MRS. CRASHAW: 'I think it's much more important he should put on
another collar and--shirt, if he's going to see company.'

MRS. ROBERTS: 'Yes; go right off at once, Edward. How you DO think
of things, Aunt Mary! I really suppose I should have gone on all
night and never noticed his looks. Run, Edward, and do it, dear.
But--kiss me first! Oh, it DON'T seem as if you could be alive and
well after it all! Are you sure you're not hurt?'

ROBERTS, embracing her: 'No; I'm all right.'

MRS. ROBERTS: 'And you're not injured internally? Sometimes
they're injured internally--aren't they, Aunt Mary?--and it doesn't
show till months afterwards. Are you sure?'

ROBERTS, making a cursory examination of his ribs with his hands:
'Yes, I think so.'

MRS. ROBERTS: 'And you don't feel any bad effects from the cologne
NOW? Just think, Aunt Mary, I gave him cologne to drink, and poured
the brandy on his head, when he came in! But I was determined to
keep calm, whatever I did. And if I've poisoned him I'm quite
willing to die for it--oh, quite! I would gladly take the blame of
it before the whole world.'

MRS. CRASHAW: 'Well, for pity's sake, let the man go and make
himself decent. There's your bell now.'

MRS. ROBERTS: 'Yes, do go, Edward. But--kiss me--'

MRS. CRASHAW: 'He DID kiss you, Agnes. Don't be a simpleton!'

MRS. ROBERTS: 'Did he? Well, kiss me again, then, Edward. And now
do go, dear. M-m-m-m.' The inarticulate endearments represented by
these signs terminate in a wild embrace, protracted halfway across
the room, in the height of which Mr. Willis Campbell enters.

SCENE III: MR. CAMPBELL, MRS. CRASHAW, MR. AND MRS. ROBERTS

WILLIS, pausing in contemplation: 'Hello! What's the matter?
What's she trying to get out of you, Roberts? Don't you do it,
anyway, old fellow.'

MRS. ROBERTS, in an ecstasy of satisfaction: 'Willis! Oh, you've
come in time to see him just as he is. Look at him, Willis!' In
the excess of her emotion she twitches her husband about, and with
his arm fast in her clutch, presents him in the disadvantageous
effect of having just been taken into custody. Under these
circumstances Roberts's attempt at an expression of diffident
heroism fails; he looks sneaking, he looks guilty, and his eyes fall
under the astonished regard of his brother-in-law.

WILLIS: 'What's the matter with him? What's he been doing?'

MRS. ROBERTS: ''Sh, Edward! What's he been doing? What does he
look as if he had been doing?'

MRS. CRASHAW: 'Agnes--'

WILLIS: 'He looks as if he had been signing the pledge. And he--
smells like it.'

MRS. ROBERTS: 'For shame, Willis! I should think you'd sink
through the floor. Edward, not a word! I AM ashamed of him, if he
IS my brother.'

WILLIS: 'Why, what in the world's up, Agnes?'

MRS. ROBERTS: 'Up? He's been ROBBED!--robbed on the Common, not
five minutes ago! A whole gang of garotters surrounded him under
the Old Elm--or just where it used to be--and took his watch away!
And he ran after them, and knocked the largest of the gang down, and
took it back again. He wasn't hurt, but we're afraid he's been
injured internally; he may be bleeding internally NOW--Oh, do you
think he is, Willis? Don't you think we ought to send for a
physician?--That, and the cologne I gave him to drink. It's the
brandy I poured on his head makes him smell so. And he all so
exhausted he couldn't speak, and I didn't know what I was doing,
either; but he's promised--oh yes, he's promised!--never, never to
do it again.' She again flings her arms about her husband, and then
turns proudly to her brother.

WILLIS: 'Do you know what it means, Aunt Mary?'

MRS. CRASHAW: 'Not in the least! But I've no doubt that Edward can
explain, after he's changed his linen--'

MRS. ROBERTS: 'Oh yes, do go, Edward! Not but what I should be
proud and happy to have you appear just as you are before the whole
world, if it was only to put Willis down with his jokes about your
absent-mindedness, and his boasts about those California desperadoes
of his.'

ROBERTS: 'Come, come, Agnes! I MUST protest against your--'

MRS. ROBERTS: 'Oh, I know it doesn't become me to praise your
courage, darling! But I should like to know what Willis would have
done, with all his California experience, if a garotter had taken
his watch?'

WILLIS: 'I should have let him keep it, and pay five dollars a
quarter himself for getting it cleaned and spoiled. Anybody but a
literary man would. How many of them were there, Roberts?'

ROBERTS: 'I only saw one.'

MRS. ROBERTS: 'But of course there were more. How could he tell,
in the dark and excitement? And the one he did see was a perfect
giant; so you can imagine what the rest must have been like.'

WILLIS: 'Did you really knock him down?'

MRS. ROBERTS: 'Knock him down? Of course he did.'

MRS. CRASHAW: 'Agnes, WILL you hold your tongue, and let the men
alone?'

MRS. ROBERTS, whimpering: 'I can't, Aunt Mary. And you couldn't,
if it was yours.'

ROBERTS: 'I pulled him over backwards.'

MRS. ROBERTS: 'There, Willis!'

WILLIS: 'And grabbed your watch from him?'

ROBERTS: 'I was in quite a frenzy; I really hardly knew what I was
doing--'

MRS. ROBERTS: 'And he didn't call for the police, or anything--'

WILLIS: 'Ah, that showed presence of mind! He knew it wouldn't
have been any use.'

MRS. ROBERTS: 'And when he had got his watch away from them, he
just let them go, because they had families dependent on them.'

WILLIS: 'I should have let them go in the first place, but you
behaved handsomely in the end, Roberts; there's no denying that.
And when you came in she gave you cologne to drink, and poured
brandy on your head. It must have revived you. I should think it
would wake the dead.'

MRS. ROBERTS: 'I was all excitement, Willis--'

WILLIS: 'No, I should think from the fact that you had set the
decanter here on the hearth, and put your cologne into the wood-box,
you were perfectly calm, Agnes.' He takes them up and hands them to
her. 'Quite as calm as usual.' The door-bell rings.

MRS. CRASHAW: 'Willis, WILL you let that ridiculous man go away and
make himself presentable before people begin to come?' The bell
rings violently, peal upon peal.

MRS. ROBERTS: 'Oh, my goodness, what's that? It's the garotters--I
know it is; and we shall all be murdered in our beds!'

MRS. CRASHAW: 'What in the world can it--'

WILLIS: 'Why don't your girl answer the bell, Agnes? Or I'll go
myself.' The bell rings violently again.

MRS. ROBERTS: 'NO, Willis, you sha'n't! Don't leave me, Edward!
Aunt Mary!--Oh, if we MUST die, let us all die together! Oh, my
poor children! Ugh! What's that?' The servant-maid opens the
outer door, and uttering a shriek, rushes in through the drawing-
room portiere.

BELLA THE MAID: 'Oh, my goodness! Mrs. Roberts, it's Mr. Bemis!'

MRS. ROBERTS: 'Which Mr. Bemis?'

ROBERTS: 'What's the matter with him?'

MRS. CRASHAW: 'Why doesn't she show him in?'

WILLIS: 'Has HE been garotting somebody too?'

SCENE IV: MR. BEMIS, MR. CAMPBELL, MR. AND MRS. ROBERTS

BEMIS, appearing through the portiere: 'I--I beg your pardon, Mrs.
Roberts. I oughtn't to present myself in this state--I-- But I
thought I'd better stop on my way home and report, so that my son
needn't be alarmed at my absence when he comes. I--' He stops,
exhausted, and regards the others with a wild stare, while they
stand taking note of his disordered coat, his torn vest, and his
tumbled hat. 'I've just been robbed--'

MRS. ROBERTS: 'Robbed? Why, EDWARD has been robbed too.'

BEMIS: '--coming through the Common--'

MRS. ROBERTS: 'Yes, EDWARD was coming through the Common.'

BEMIS: '--of my watch--'

MRS. ROBERTS, in rapturous admiration of the coincidence: 'Oh, and
it was Edward's WATCH they took!'

WILLIS: 'It's a parallel case, Agnes. Pour him out a glass of
cologne to drink, and rub his head with brandy. And you might let
him sit down and rest while you're enjoying the excitement.'

MRS. ROBERTS, in hospitable remorse: 'Oh, what am I thinking of!
Here, Edward--or no, you're too weak, you mustn't. Willis, YOU help
me to help him to the sofa.'

MRS. CRASHAW: 'I think you'd better help him off with his overcoat
and his arctics.' To the maid: 'Here, Bella, if you haven't quite
taken leave of your wits, undo his shoes.'

ROBERTS: 'I'LL help him off with his coat--'

BEMIS: 'Careful! careful! I may be injured internally.'

MRS. ROBERTS: 'Oh, if you only WERE, Mr. Bemis, perhaps I could
persuade Edward that he was too: I KNOW he is. Edward, don't exert
yourself! Aunt Mary, will you STOP him, or do you all wish to see
me go distracted here before your eyes?'

WILLIS, examining the overcoat which Roberts has removed: 'Well,
you won't have much trouble buttoning and unbuttoning this coat for
the present.'

BEMIS: 'They tore it open, and tore my watch from my vest pocket--'

WILLIS, looking at the vest: 'I see. Pretty lively work. Were
there many of them?'

BEMIS: 'There must have been two at least--'

MRS. ROBERTS: 'There were half a dozen in the gang that attacked
Edward.'

BEMIS: 'One of them pulled me violently over on my back--'

MRS. ROBERTS: 'Edward's put HIS arm round his neck and choked him.'

MRS. CRASHAW: 'Agnes!'

MRS. ROBERTS: 'I KNOW he did, Aunt Mary.'

BEMIS: 'And the other tore my watch out of my pocket.'

MRS. ROBERTS: 'EDWARD'S--'

MRS. CRASHAW: 'Agnes, I'm thoroughly ashamed of you. WILL you stop
interrupting?'

BEMIS: 'And left me lying in the snow.'

MRS. ROBERTS: 'And then he ran after them, and snatched his watch
away again in spite of them all; and he didn't call for the police,
or anything, because it was their first offence, and he couldn't
bear to think of their suffering families.'

BEMIS, with a stare of profound astonishment: 'Who?'

MRS. ROBERTS: 'Edward. Didn't I SAY Edward, all the time?'

BEMIS: 'I thought you meant me. I didn't think of pursuing them;
but you may be very sure that if there had been a policeman within
call--of course there wasn't one within cannon-shot--I should have
handed the scoundrels over without the slightest remorse.'

ROBERTS: 'Oh!' He sinks into a chair with a slight groan.

WILLIS: 'What is it?'

ROBERTS: ''Sh! Don't say anything. But--stay here. I want to
speak with you, Willis.'

BEMIS, with mounting wrath: 'I should not have hesitated an instant
to give the rascal in charge, no matter who was dependent upon him--
no matter if he were my dearest friend, my own brother.'

ROBERTS, under his breath: 'Gracious powers!'

BEMIS: 'And while I am very sorry to disagree with Mr. Roberts, I
can't help feeling that he made a great mistake in allowing the
ruffians to escape.'

MRS. CRASHAW, with severity: 'I think you are quite right, Mr.
Bemis.'

BEMIS: 'Probably it was the same gang attacked us both. After
escaping from Mr. Roberts they fell upon me.'

MRS. CRASHAW: 'I haven't a doubt of it.'

ROBERTS, sotto voce to his brother-in-law: 'I think I'll ask you to
go with me to my room, Willis. Don't alarm Agnes, please. I--I
feel quite faint.'

MRS. ROBERTS, crestfallen: 'I can't feel that Edward was to blame.
Ed--Oh, I suppose he's gone off to make himself presentable. But
Willis--Where's Willis, Aunt Mary?'

MRS. CRASHAW: 'Probably gone with him to help him.'

MRS. ROBERTS: 'Oh, he SAW how unstrung poor Edward was! Mr. Bemis,
I think you're quite prejudiced. How could Edward help their
escaping? I think it was quite enough for him, single-handed, to
get his watch back.' A ring at the door, and then a number of
voices in the anteroom. 'I do believe they're all there! I'll just
run out and prepare your son. He would be dreadfully shocked if he
came right in upon you.' She runs into the anteroom, and is heard
without: 'Oh, Dr. Lawton! Oh, Lou dear! OH, Mr. Bemis! How can I
ever tell you? Your poor father! No, no, I CAN'T tell you! You
mustn't ask me! It's too hideous! And you wouldn't believe me if I
did.'

Chorus of anguished voices: 'What? what? what?'

MRS. ROBERTS: 'They've been robbed! Garotted on the Common! And,
OH, Dr. Lawton, I'm so glad YOU'VE come! They're both injured
internally, but I WISH you'd look at Edward first.'

BEMIS: 'Good heavens! Is that Mrs. Roberts's idea of preparing my
son? And his poor young wife!' He addresses his demand to Mrs.
Crashaw, who lifts the hands of impotent despair.

PART SECOND

SCENE I: MR. ROBERTS; MR. CAMPBELL

In Mr Roberts's dressing-room, that gentleman is discovered
tragically confronting Mr. Willis Campbell, with a watch uplifted in
either hand.

WILLIS: 'Well?'

ROBERTS, gasping: 'My--my watch!'

WILLIS: 'Yes. How comes there to be two of it?'

ROBERTS: 'Don't you understand? When I went out I--didn't take my
watch--with me. I left it here on my bureau.'

WILLIS: 'Well?'

ROBERTS: 'Oh, merciful heavens! don't you see? Then I couldn't
have been robbed!'

WILLIS: 'Well, but whose watch did you take from the fellow that
didn't rob you, then?'

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