The Clockmaker

T >> Thomas Chandler Haliburton >> The Clockmaker

Pages:
1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15

"'There isn't at this moment such a location hardly in America, as
St. John; for beside all its other advantages, it has this great one:
its only rival, Halifax, has got a dose of opium that will send it
snoring out of the world, like a feller who falls asleep on the ice
of a winter's night. It has been asleep so long, I actilly think it
never will wake. It's an easy death too; you may rouse them up if you
like, but I vow I won't. I once brought a feller to that was drowned,
and one night he got drunk and quilted me; I couldn't walk for a
week. Says I, "You're the last chap I'll ever save from drowning in
all my born days, if that's all the thanks I get for it." No sir,
Halifax has lost the run of its custom. Who does Yarmouth trade with?
St. John. Who does Annapolis County trade with? St. John. Who do all
the folks on the Basin of Mines, and Bay shore, trade with? St. John.
Who does Cumberland trade with? St. John. Well Pictou, Lunenburg and
Liverpool, supply themselves, and the rest that ain't worth havin',
trade with Halifax. They take down a few half-starved pigs, old
viteran geese, and long legged fowls, some ram mutton and tough beef;
and swap them for tea, sugar, and such little notions for their old
women to home; while the railroads and canals of St. John are goin'
to cut off your Gulf Shore trade to Miramichi, and along there. Flies
live in the summer and die in winter, you're jist as noisy in war as
those little critters, but you sing small in peace.

"'No, you're done for; you are up a tree, you may depend; pride must
fall. Your town is like a ballroom arter a dance. The folks there eat,
drank, and frolicked, and left an empty house; the lamps and hangings
are left, but the people are gone.'

"'Is there no remedy for this?' said he; and he looked as wild as a
Cherokee Indian. Thinks I, the handle is fitted on proper tight now.
'Well,' says I, 'when a man has a cold, he had ought to look out
pretty sharp, afore it gets seated on his lungs; if he don't, he gets
into a gallopin' consumption, and it's gone goose with him. There is
a remedy, if applied in time: make a railroad to the Minas Basin, and
you have a way for your customers to get to you, and a conveyance for
your goods to them. When I was in New York last, a cousin of mine,
Hezekiah Slick, said to me, "I do believe Sam, I shall be ruined;
I've lost all my custom; they are widening and improving the streets,
and there's so many carts and people to work in it, folks can't come
to my shop to trade; what on airth shall I do? and I'm payin' a
dreadful high rent too?" "Stop Ki," says I, "when the street is all
finished off and slicked up, they'll all come back agin, and a whole
raft more on 'em too, you'll sell twice as much as ever you did;
you'll put off a proper swad of goods next year, you may depend;" and
so he did, he made money, hand over hand. A railroad will bring back
your customers, if done right off; but wait till trade has made new
channels, and fairly gets settled in them, and you'll never divart it
agin to all etarnity. When a feller waits till a gal gets married, I
guess it will be too late to pop the question then.

"'St. John MUST go ahead, at any rate; you MAY, if you choose, but
you must exert yourselves, I tell you. If a man has only one leg, and
wants to walk, he must get an artificial one. If you have no river,
make a railroad, and that will supply its place.'

"'But,' says he, 'Mr. Slick, people say it never will pay in the
world; they say it's as mad a scheme as the canal. 'Do they indeed?'
says I; 'send them to me then, and I'll fit the handle on to them in
tu tu's. I say it will pay, and the best proof is, our folks will
take tu thirds of the stock. Did you ever hear any one else but your
folks, ax whether a dose of medicine would pay when it was given to
save life? If that everlastin' long Erie canal can secure to New York
the supply of that far off country, most t'other side of creation,
surely a railroad of forty-five miles can give you the trade of the
Bay of Fundy. A railroad will go from Halifax to Windsor, and make
them one town, easier to send goods from one to t'other than from
Governor Campbell's House to Admiral Cockburn's. A bridge makes a
town, a river makes a town, a canal makes a town; but a railroad is
bridge, river, thoroughfare, canal, all in one; what a whappin' large
place that would make, wouldn't it? It would be the dandy, that's
a fact. No, when you go back, take a piece of chalk, and the first
dark night, write on every door in Halifax, in large letters--a
railroad--and if they don't know the meanin' of it, says you "It's a
Yankee word; if you'll go to Sam Slick, the Clockmaker" (the chap
that fixed a Yankee handle on to a Halifax blade'--and I made him a
scrape of my leg, as much as to say, That's you!) '"every man that
buys a clock shall hear all about a railroad."'"

No. XVIII

The Grahamite and the Irish Pilot.

"I think," said I, "this is a happy country, Mr. Slick. The people
are fortunately all of one origin; there are no national jealousies
to divide, and no very violent politics to agitate them. They
appear to be cheerful and contented, and are a civil, good-natured,
hospitable race. Considering the unsettled state of almost every part
of the world, I think I would as soon cast my lot in Nova Scotia as
in any part I know of."

"It's a clever country, you may depend," said he, "a very clever
country; full of mineral wealth, aboundin' in superior water
privileges and noble harbours, a large part of it prime land, and it
is in the very heart of the fisheries. But the folks put me in mind
of a sect in our country they call the Grahamites; they eat no meat
and no exciting food, and drink nothin' stronger than water. They
call it Philosophy (and that is such a pretty word it has made fools
of more folks than them afore now), but I call it tarnation nonsense.
I once travelled all through the State of Maine with one of them 'ere
chaps. He was as thin as a whippin' post. His skin looked like a
blown bladder arter some of the air had leaked out, kinder wrinkled
and rumpled like, and his eye as dim as a lamp that's livin' on a
short allowance of ile. He put me in mind of a pair of kitchen tongs,
all legs, shaft and head, and no belly; a real gander-gutted lookin'
critter, as holler as a bamboo walkin' cane, and twice as yaller.
He actilly looked as if he had been picked off a rack at sea, and
dragged through a gimlet hole. He was a lawyer. Thinks I, the Lord a
massy on your clients, you hungry, half-starved lookin' critter you,
you'll eat 'em up alive as sure as the Lord made Moses. You are jist
the chap to strain at a goat and swallow a camel, tank, shank and
flank, all at a gulp.

"Well, when we came to an inn, and a beef steak was sot afore us for
dinner, he'd say, 'Oh that is too good for me, it's too exciting; all
fat meat is diseased meat, give me some bread and cheese.' 'Well,'
I'd say, 'I don't know what you call too good, but it ain't good
enough for me, for I call it as tuf as laushong, and that will bear
chawing all day. When I liquidate for my dinner, I like to get about
the best that's goin', and I ain't a bit too well pleased if I
don't.' Exciting indeed! thinks I. Lord, I should like to see you
excited, if it was only for the fun of the thing. What a temptin'
lookin' critter you'd be among the gals, wouldn't you? Why, you look
like a subject the doctor boys had dropped on the road arter they had
dug you up, and had cut stick and run for it.

"Well, when tea came, he said the same thing, 'It's too exciting,
give me some water, do; that's follorin' the law of natur'.' 'Well,'
says I, 'if that's the case, you ought to eat beef.' 'Why,' says
he, 'how do you make out that 'ere proposition?' 'Why,' says I, 'if
drinkin' water instead of tea is natur', so is eatin' grass accordin'
to natur'; now all flesh is grass, we are told, so you had better eat
that and call it vegetable; like a man I once seed who fasted on fish
on a Friday, and when he had none, whipped a leg o' mutton into the
oven, and took it out fish. Says he, "It's 'changed PLAICE,' that's
all," and "PLAICE" ain't a bad fish. The Catholics fast enough,
gracious knows, but then they fast on a great rousin' big splendid
salmon at two dollars and forty cents a pound, and lots of old
Madeira to make it float light on the stomach; there's some sense in
mortifying the appetite arter that fashion, but plagy little in your
way. No,' says I, 'friend, you may talk about natur' as you please;
I've studied natur' all my life, and I vow if your natur' could speak
out, it would tell you, it don't over half like to be starved arter
that plan. If you know'd as much about the marks of the mouth as
I do, you'd know that you have carniverous as well as graniverous
teeth, and that natur' meant by that, you should eat most anything
that 'ere door-keeper, your nose, would give a ticket to, to pass
into your mouth. Father rode a race at New York course, when he was
near hand to seventy--and that's more nor you'll do, I guess--and he
eats as hearty as a turkey-cock; and he never confined himself to
water neither, when he could get anything convened him better. Says
he, "Sam, grandfather Slick used to say there was an old proverb in
Yorkshire, 'A full belly makes a strong back,' and I guess if you try
it, natur' will tell you so too." If ever you go to Connecticut, jist
call into father's, and he'll give you a real right down genuine New
England breakfast, and if that don't happify your heart, then my
name's not Sam Slick. It will make you feel about among the stiffest,
I tell you. It will blow your jacket out like a pig at sea. You'll
have to shake a reef or two out of your waistban's and make good
stowage, I guess, to carry it all under hatches. There's nothin' like
a good pastur' to cover the ribs, and make the hide shine, depend
on't.'

"Now this Province is like that 'ere Grahamite lawyer's beef, it's
too good for the folks that's in it; they either don't avail its
value or won't use it, because work ain't arter their 'law of natur'.'
As you say they are quiet enough (there's worse folks than the
Bluenoses, too, if you come to that), and so they had ought to be
quiet, for they have nothin' to fight about. As for politics, they
have nothin' to desarve the name; but they talk enough about it, and
a plaguy sight of nonsense they do talk, too.

"Now with us the country is divided into two parties, of the mammouth
breed--the INS and the OUTS, the ADMINISTRATION and the OPPOSITION.
But where's the administration here? Where's the war office, the
Foreign Office and the Home Office? Where's the Secretary of
the Navy? Where's the State Bank? Where's the Ambassadors and
Diplomatists (them are the boys to wind off a snarl of ravellins
as slick as if it were on a reel), and where's that Ship of State,
fitted up all the way from the forecastle clean up to the starn-post,
chock full of good snug berths, handsumly found and furnished, tier
over tier, one above another, as thick as it can hold? That's a helm
worth handlin', I tell you; I don't wonder that folks mutiny below,
and fight on the decks above for it; it makes a plaguy uproar the
whole time, and keeps the passengers for everlastinly in a state of
alarm for fear they'd do mischif by bustin' the b'iler, a-runnin'
aground, or gettin' foul of some other craft.

"This Province is better as it is, quieter and happier far; they have
berths enough and big enough; they should be careful not to increase
'em; and if they were to do it over agin, perhaps they'd be as well
with fewer. They have two parties here, the Tory party and the
Opposition party, and both on 'em run to extremes. Them radicals,
says one, are for levellin' all down to their own level, tho' not a
peg lower; that's their gage, jist down to their own notch and no
further; and they'd agitate the whole country to obtain that object,
for if a man can't grow to be as tall as his neighbour, if he cuts a
few inches off him why then they are both of one heighth. They are a
most dangerous, disaffected people; they are eternally appealin' to
the worst passions of the mob. Well, says t'other, them aristocrats,
they'll ruinate the country; they spend the whole revenue on
themselves. What with bankers, councillors, judges, bishops and
public officers, and a whole tribe of lawyers as hungry as hawks, and
jist about as marciful, the country is devoured as if there was a
flock of locusts a-feedin' on it. There's nothin' left for roads and
bridges. When a chap sets out to canvass, he's got to antagonize one
side or t'other. If he hangs on to the powers that be, then he's a
council man, he's for votin' large salaries, for doin' as the great
people at Halifax tell him. He is a fool. If he is on t'other side,
a-railin' at banks, judges, lawyers and such cattle, and bawlin' for
what he knows he can't get, then he is a rogue. So that, if you were
to listen to the weak and noisy critters on both sides, you'd believe
the House of Assembly was one half rogues and t'other half fools. All
this arises from ignorance. IF THEY KNEW MORE OF EACH OTHER, I GUESS
THEY'D LAY ASIDE ONE HALF THEIR FEARS AND ALL THEIR ABUSE. THE UPPER
CLASSES DON'T KNOW ONE HALF THE VIRTUE THAT'S IN THE MIDDLIN' AND
LOWER CLASSES; AND THEY DON'T KNOW ONE HALF THE INTEGRITY AND GOOD
FEELIN' THAT'S IN THE OTHERS, AND BOTH ARE FOOLED AND GULLED BY THEIR
OWN NOISY AND DESIGNIN' CHAMPIONS. Take any two men that are by the
ears, they opinionate all they hear of each other, impute all sorts
of onworthy motives, and misconstrue every act; let them see more of
each other, and they'll find out to their surprise, that they have
not only been lookin' through a magnifyin' glass that warn't very
true, but a coloured one also, that changed the complexion and
distorted the feature, and each one will think t'other a very good
kind of chap, and like as not a plaguy pleasant one too.

"If I was axed which side was farthest from the mark in this
Province, I vow I should be puzzled to say. As I don't belong to
the country, and don't care a snap of my finger for either of 'em,
I suppose I can judge better than any man in it, but I snore I
don't think there's much difference. The popular side--I won't say
patriotic, for we find in our steamboats a man who has a plaguy sight
of property in his portmanter, is quite as anxious for its safety, as
him that's only one pair of yarn stockings and a clean shirt, is for
his'n--the popular side are not so well informed as t'other, and they
have the misfortin' of havin' their passions addressed more than
their reason, therefore they are often out of the way, or rather
led out of it and put astray by bad guides; well, t'other side have
the prejudices of birth and education to dim their vision, and are
alarmed to undertake a thing from the dread of ambush or open foes,
that their guides are etarnally descryin' in the mist--AND BESIDE,
POWER HAS A NATERAL TENDENCY TO CORPULENCY. As for them guides, I'd
make short work of 'em if it was me.

"In the last war with Britain, the Constitution frigate was close in
once on the shores of Ireland, a-lookin' arter some marchant ships,
and she took on board a pilot; well, he was a deep, sly, twistical
lookin' chap, as you e'enamost ever seed. He had a sort of dark, down
look about him, and a lear out of the corner of one eye, like a horse
that's goin' to kick. The captain guessed he read in his face, 'Well
now, if I was to run this here Yankee right slap on a rock and bilge
her, the King would make a man of me for ever.' So, says he to the
first leftenant, 'Reeve a rope through that 'ere block at the tip
eend of the fore yard, and clap a runnin' noose in it.' The leftenant
did it as quick as wink, and came back, and says he, 'I guess it's
done.' 'Now,' says the captain, 'look here, pilot; here's a rope you
hain't seed yet, I'll jist explain the use of it to you in case you
want the loan of it. If this here frigate, manned with our free and
enlightened citizens, gets aground, I'll give you a ride on the slack
of that 'ere rope, right up to that yard by the neck, by Gum.' Well,
it rub'd all the writin' out of his face, as quick as spittin' on
a slate takes a sum out, you may depend. Now, they should rig up a
crane over the street door of the State house at Halifax, and when
any of the pilots at either eend of the buildin', run 'em on the
breakers on purpose, string 'em up like an onsafe dog. A sign of that
'ere kind, with 'A house of public entertainment,' painted under it,
would do the business in less than no time. If it wouldn't keep the
hawks out of the poultry yard, it's a pity; it would scare them out
of a year's growth, that's a fact; if they used it once, I guess they
wouldn't have occasion for it agin in a hurry; it would be like the
aloe tree, and that bears fruit only once in a hundred years.

"If you want to know how to act any time, Squire, never go to books,
leave them to gals and school boys; but go right off and cipher it
out of natur', that's a sure guide; it will never deceive you, you
may depend. For instance, 'what's that to me,' is a phrase so common
that it shows it's a natural one, when people have no particular
interest in a thing. Well, when a feller gets so warm on either side
as never to use that phrase at all, watch him, that's all! keep your
eye on him, or he'll walk right into you afore you know where you be.
If a man runs to me and says, 'Your fence is down,' 'Thank you,' says
I, 'that's kind.' If he comes agin and says, 'I guess some stray
cattle have broke into your short sarce garden,' I thank him agin;
says I, 'Come now, this is neighbourly; but when he keeps etarnally
tellin' me this thing of one sarvant, and that thing of another
sarvant, hints that my friends ain't true, that my neighbours are
inclined to take advantage of me, and that suspicious folks are seen
about my place, I say to myself, what on airth makes this critter
take such a wonderful interest in my affairs? I don't like to hear
such tales; he's arter somethin' as sure as the world, if he warn't
he'd say, 'What's that to me.' I never believe much what I hear said
by a man's violent friend, or violent enemy. I want to hear what a
disinterested man has to say. Now, as a disinterested man, I say if
the members of the House of Assembly, instead of raisin' up ghosts
and hobgoblins to frighten folks with, and to show what swordsmen
they be, a-cuttin' and a-thrustin' at those phantoms that only exist
in their own brains, would turn to, heart and hand, and develop the
resources of this fine country, facilitate the means of transport,
promote its internal improvement, and encourage its foreign trade,
they would make it the richest and greatest, as it now is one of the
happiest sections of all America. I hope I may be skinned if they
wouldn't--they would I swan."

No. XIX

The Clockmaker Quilts a Bluenose.

The descendants of Eve have profited little by her example. The
curiosity of the fair sex is still insatiable, and, as it is often
ill directed, it frequently terminates in error. In the country this
feminine propensity is troublesome to a traveller, and he who would
avoid importunities would do well to announce at once, on his arrival
at a Cumberland inn, his name and his business, the place of his
abode and the length of his visit.

Our beautiful hostess, Mrs. Pugwash, as she took her seat at the
breakfast table this morning, exhibited the example that suggested
these reflections. She was struck with horror at our conversation,
the latter part only of which she heard, and of course misapplied
and misunderstood.

"She was run down by the President," said I, "and has been laid up
for some time. Gulard's people have stripped her, in consequence of
her making water so fast."

"Stripped whom?" said Mrs. Pugwash, as she suddenly dropped the
teapot from her hand; "stripped whom--for heaven's sake tell me
who it is?"

"The Lady Ogle," said I.

"Lady Ogle?" said she, "how horrid!"

"Two of her ribs were so broken as to require to be replaced with new
ones."

"Two new ribs!" said she, "well I never heerd the beat of that in all
my born days; poor critter, how she must have suffered."

"On examining her below the waist they found--"

"Examining her still lower," said she (all the pride of her sex
revolting at the idea of such an indecent exhibition), "you don't
pretend to say they stripped her below the waist! What did the
Admiral say? Did he stand by and see her handled in that way?"

"The Admiral, madam," said I, "did not trouble his head about it.
They found her extremely unsound there, and much worm-eaten."

"Worm-eaten," she continued, "how awful! It must have been them nasty
jiggers, that got in there; they tell me they are dreadful thick in
the West Indies; Joe Crow had them in his feet, and lost two of his
toes. Worm-eaten, dear, dear! but still that ain't so bad as having
them great he-fellows strip one. I promise you if them Gulards had
undertaken to strip me, I'd a taught them different guess manners;
I'd a died first before I'd a submitted to it. I always heerd tell
the English quality ladies were awful bold, but I never heerd the
like o' that."

"What on airth are you drivin' at?" said Mr. Slick. "I never seed you
so much out in your latitude afore, marm, I vow. We were talkin' of
reparin' a vessel, not strippin' a woman; what under the sun could
have put that 'ere crotchet into your head?"

She looked mortified and humbled at the result of her own absurd
curiosity, and soon quitted the room. "I thought I should have
snorted right out two or three times," said the Clockmaker; "I had to
pucker up my mouth like the upper eend of a silk puss, to keep from
yawhawin' in her face, to hear the critter let her clapper run that
fashion. She is not the first hand that has caught a lobster, by
puttin' in her oar afore her turn, I guess. She'll mind her steps
next hitch, I reckon." This was our last breakfast at Amherst.

An early frost that smote the potato fields, and changed the
beautiful green colour of the Indian corn into shades of light
yellow, and dark brown, reminded me of the presence of autumn, of
the season of short days and bad roads. I determined to proceed at
once to Parrsboro', and thence by the Windsor and Kentville route
to Annapolis, Yarmouth, and Shelburne, and to return by the shore
road, through Liverpool and Lunenburg to Halifax. I therefore took
leave (though not without much reluctance) of the Clockmaker, whose
intention had been to go to Fort Lawrence.

"Well," said he, "I vow I am sorry to part company along with you; a
considerable long journey like our'n, is like sitting up late with
the gals, a body knows it's getting on pretty well towards mornin',
and yet feels loth to go to bed, for it's just the time folks grow
sociable. I got a scheme in my head," said he, "that I think will
answer both on us; I got debts due to me in all them 'ere places for
clocks sold by the consarn; now suppose you leave your horse on these
mashes this fall; he'll get as fat as a fool, he won't be able to see
out of his eyes in a month; and I'll put 'Old Clay' (I call him Clay
arter our senator, who is a prime bit of stuff) into a Yankee wagon
I have here, and drive you all round the coast."

This was too good an offer to be declined. A run at grass for my
horse, an easy and comfortable wagon, and a guide so original and
amusing as Mr. Slick, were either of them enough to induce my
acquiescence.

As soon as we had taken our seats in the wagon, he observed--

"We shall progress real handsum now; that 'ere horse goes etarnal
fast, he near about set my axle on fire twice. He's a spanker you may
depend. I had him when he was a two-year-old, all legs and tail, like
a devil's darnin' needle, and had him broke on purpose by father's
old nigger, January Snow. He knows English real well, and can do near
about anything but speak it. He helped me once to gin a Bluenose a
proper handsum quiltin'."

"He must have stood a poor chance indeed," said I, "a horse kickin',
and a man striking him at the same time."

"Oh! not arter that pattern at all," said he, "Lord if Old Clay had
kicked him, he'd a smashed him like that 'ere sarcer you broke at
Pugnose's inn, into ten hundred thousand million flinders. Oh! no, if
I didn't fix his flint for him in fair play, it's a pity. I'll tell
you how it was. I was up to Truro, at Ezra Whitter's inn. There was
an arbitration there atween Deacon Text and Deacon Faithful. Well,
there was a 'nation sight of folks there, for they said it was a
biter bit, and they came to witness the sport, and to see which
critter would get the earmark.

"Well, I'd been doin' a little business there among the folks, and
had jist sot off for the river, mounted on Old Clay, arter takin' a
glass of Ezra's most particular handsum Jamaiky, and was trottin' off
pretty slick, when who should I run agin but Tim Bradley. He is a
dreadful ugly, cross-grained critter, as you e'enamost ever seed,
when he is about half-shaved. Well, I stopped short, and says I, "Mr.
Bradley, I hope you bean't hurt; I'm proper sorry I run agin you, you
can't feel uglier than I do about it, I do assure you.' He called me
a Yankee peddler, a cheatin' vagabond, a wooden nutmeg, and threw
a good deal of assorted hardware of that kind at me; and the crowd
of folks cried out, 'Down with the Yankee!' 'Let him have it Tim!'
'Teach him better manners!' and they carried on pretty high, I tell
you. Well, I got my dander up too, I felt all up on eend like;
and, thinks I to myself, My lad if I get a clever chance, I'll give
you such a quiltin' as you never had since you were raised from a
seedlin', I vow. So says I, 'Mr. Bradley, I guess you had better
let me be; you know I can't fight no more than a cow; I never was
brought up to wranglin', and I don't like it.' 'Haul off the cowardly
rascal,' they all bawled out, 'haul him off, and lay it into him!' So
he lays right hold of me by the collar, and gives me a pull, and I
lets on as if I'd lost my balance and falls right down. Then I jumps
up on eend, and says I 'Go ahead Clay,' and the old horse he sets off
a head, so I knew I had him when I wanted him. Then says I, 'I hope
you are satisfied now, Mr. Bradley, with that 'ere ungenteel fall you
gin me.' Well, he makes a blow at me, and I dodged it. 'Now,' says I,
'you'll be sorry for this, I tell you; I won't be treated this way
for nothin', I'll go right off and swear my life agin you, I'm most
afeerd you'll murder me.' Well, he strikes at me agin, thinkin' he
had a genuine soft horn to deal with, and hits me in the shoulder.
'Now,' says I, I won't stand here to be lathered like a dog all day
long this fashion, it ain't pretty at all; I guess I'll give you a
chase for it.' Off I sets arter my horse like mad, and he arter me (I
did that to get clear of the crowd, so that I might have fair play at
him). Well, I soon found I had the heels of him, and could play him
as I liked. Then I slackened up a little, and when he came close up
to me, so as nearly to lay his hand upon me, I squatted right whap
down, all short, and he pitched over me near about a rod or so, I
guess, on his head, and ploughed up the ground with his nose, the
matter of a foot or two. If he didn't polish up the coulter, and both
mould boards of his face, it's a pity. 'Now,' says I, 'you had better
lay where you be and let me go, for I am proper tired; I blow like a
horse that's got the heaves; and besides,' says I, 'I guess you had
better wash your face, for I am most a feared you hurt yourself.'
That riled him properly; I meant that it should; so he ups and at me
awful spiteful like a bull; then I lets him have it, right, left,
right, jist three corkers, beginning with the right hand, shifting to
the left, and then with the right hand agin. This way I did it," said
the Clockmaker (and he showed me the manner in which it was done);
"it's a beautiful way of hitting, and always does the business--a
blow for each eye and one for the mouth. It sounds like ten pounds
ten on a blacksmith's anvil; I bunged up both eyes for him, and put
in the dead lights in two tu's, and drew three of his teeth, quicker
a plaguy sight than the Truro doctor could, to save his soul alive.
'Now,' says I, 'my friend, when you recover your eye-sight I guess
you'll see your mistake--I warn't born in the woods to be scared by
an owl. The next time you feel in a most particular elegant good
humour, come to me and I'll play you the second part of that
identical same tune, that's a fact.

Pages:
1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15