The Hand But Not the Heart

T >> T.S. Arthur >> The Hand But Not the Heart

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"Now give me patience with the foolish girl!" exclaimed Mrs. Loring,
assuming an angry aspect. "What has come over you, Jessie? Did I say
anything about being wearied with your presence? Because I manifest
an unusual degree of interest in your future welfare, am I to be
charged with a mean, selfish motive? I did not expect this of you."

"Dear aunt! forgive me!" said Jessie, giving way to tears. "My
feelings are unusually disturbed this morning. Late hours and the
excitement of company have made me nervous. As for Mr. Dexter, let
us pass him by for the present. He has not impressed me as favorably
as you seem to desire."

"But Jessie."

"Spare me, dear aunt! If you press the subject on me now, you will
only excite disgust where you hope to create a favorable impression.
I have had many opportunities of close observation, and failed not
to improve them. The result is"

Jessie paused.

"What?" queried her aunt.

"That the more narrowly I scan him the less I like him. He is
superficial, vain and selfish."

"How do you know?"

"I cannot make manifest to your eyes the signs that were clear to
mine. But so I have read him."

"And read him with the page upside down, my, word for it, Miss
Jessie Loring!"

Jessie answered only with a sigh, and when her aunt still pressed
her on the subject, she begged to be spared, as she felt nervous and
excited. So, leaving the sitting room, she retired to her own
apartment, to gather up, and unravel, if possible, the tangled
thread of thought and feeling.

CHAPTER III.

"THERE is a gentleman in the parlor, Miss Jessie," said Mary, the
chambermaid, opening the door and presenting her plain, but pleasant
face. It was an hour after Miss Loring had left her aunt in the
sitting room.

"Who is it, Mary?"

The girl handed her a card.

On it was engraved, PAUL HENDRICKSON. The heart of Jessie Loring
gave a sudden leap, and the blood sprung reddening to her very
temples.

"Say that I will be with him in a few minutes."

The servant retired, and Jessie, who had arisen as she received the
card, sat down, so overcome by her feelings, that she felt all
bodily strength depart.

"Paul Hendrickson!" she said, whispering the name. "How little did I
expect a visit from him! After our first interview last evening, he
seemed studiously to avoid me."

Then she arose hastily, but in a tremor, and made some hurried
changes in her dress. She was about leaving her room, when Mary
again presented herself.

"Another gentleman has called," and she handed another card. Jessie
took it and read LEON DEXTER!

Could anything have been more inopportune! Jessie felt a double
embarrassment.

"The fates are against me I believe!" she murmured, as, after a few
moments of vigorous expression of feeling, she left her room, and
descended to the parlor, entering with a light but firm tread.
Dexter stepped quickly forward, giving his hand in the most assured
style, and putting both her and himself entirely at ease. She smiled
upon him blandly, because she felt the contagion of his manner.
Hendrickson was more formal and distant, and showed some
embarrassment. He was not at ease himself, and failed to put Jessie
at ease.

After all were seated, Dexter talked freely, while Hendrickson sat,
for the most part silent, but, as Jessie felt, closely observant.
Light and playful were the subjects introduced by Mr. Dexter, and
his remarks caused a perpetual ripple of smiles to sparkle over the
countenance of Miss Loring. But whenever Mr. Hendrickson spoke to
her, the smiles faded, and she turned upon him a face so changed in
expression that he felt a chill pervade his feelings. She did not
mean to look grave; she did not repress the smiles purposely; there
was neither coldness nor repulsion in her heart. But her sentiments
touching Mr. Hendrickson were so different from those entertained
for Mr. Dexter; and her estimation of his character so widely
variant that she could not possibly treat him with the smiling
familiarity shown towards the other. Yet all the while she was
painfully conscious of being misunderstood. If she had met Mr.
Hendrickson alone, she felt that it must have been different. A
degree of embarrassment might have existed, but she would not have
been forced to put on two opposite exteriors, as now, neither of
which, correctly interpreted her state of mind, or did justice to
her character.

"I did not see much of you last evening, Mr. Hendrickson. What were
you doing with yourself?" she remarked, trying to be more familiar,
and giving him a look that set his pulses to a quicker measure.
Before he could answer, Dexter said, gaily, yet with covert sarcasm.

"Oh, Mr. Hendrickson prefers the society of elderly ladies. He spent
the evening in sober confabulation with Mrs. Denison. I have no
doubt she was edified. _I_ prefer maid to matron, at any time. Old
women are my horror."

Too light and gay were the tones of Dexter to leave room for
offence. Hendrickson tried to rally himself, and retort with
pleasant speech. But his heart was too deeply interested,--and his
mood too serious for sport. His smile did not improve the aspect of
his countenance; and if he meant his words for witticisms, they were
perceived as sarcasms. Jessie was rather repelled than
attracted--all of which he saw.

Conscious that he was wholly misrepresenting himself in the young
lady's eyes, and feeling, moreover, that he was only spoiling
pleasant company, Hendrickson, after a brief call, left the field
clear to his rival. Jessie accompanied him to the door.

"I shall be pleased to see you again, Mr. Hendrickson," she said, in
a tone of voice that betrayed something of her interest in him.

He turned to look into her eyes. They sustained his penetrating gaze
only for a moment and then her long lashes lay upon her crimsoning
cheeks.

"Not if I show myself as stupid as I have been this morning," said
the young man.

"I have never thought you stupid, Mr. Hendrickson."

"I am dull at times," he said, hesitating, and slightly confused.
"Good morning!" he added, abruptly, and turned off without another
look into the eyes that were upon him; and in which he would have
read more than his heart had dared to hope for.

"What a boor!" exclaimed Dexter as Miss Loring returned to the
parlor.

"Oh, no, not a boor, sir. Far, very far from that," answered the
young lady promptly.

"Well, you don't call him a gentleman, do you?"

"I have seen nothing that would rob him of the title," said Miss
Loring.

"A true gentleman will put on a gentlemanly exterior; for he is
courteous by instinct--and especially when ladies are present. A
true gentleman, moreover, is always at his ease. Self-possession is
one of the signs of a well bred man. Hendrickson is not well bred.
Any one who has been at all in society, can perceive this at a
glance. Did you notice how he played with his watch chain; crossed
his legs in sitting; took out his pencil case, and moved the slide
noisily backwards and forwards; ran his fingers through his hair;
exhibited his pocket-handkerchief half-a-dozen times in as many
minutes, and went through sundry other performances of which no well
bred man is guilty? I marvel, that a young lady of your refinement
can offer a word of apology for such things. I see in it only
kindness of heart; and this shall be your excuse."

So gaily were the closing sentences uttered; yet with so manifest a
regard softening the final words, that Miss Loring's rising anger
against the young man, went down and was extinguished in a pleasing
consciousness of being an object of marked favor by one whose
external attractions, at least, were of the highest order.

"But the subject is not agreeable to either of us, Miss Loring,"
said Dexter in a voice pitched to a lower tone, and with a softer
modulation. "I did not expect to find a visitor here at so early an
hour; and I fear that I have permitted myself to experience just a
shade of annoyance. If I have seemed ill-natured, pardon me. It is
not my nature to find fault, or to criticise. I rather prefer
looking upon the bright side. Like Sir Joshua Reynolds, 'I am a wide
liker.' There are times, you know, in which we are all tempted to
act in a way that gives to others a false impression of our real
characters."

"No one is more conscious of that than I am," replied Miss Loring.
"Indeed, it seems often, as if I were made the sport of adverse
influences, and constrained to act and to appear wholly different
from what I desire to seem. There are some of life's phenomena, Mr.
Dexter, that puzzle at times my poor brain sorely."

"Don't puzzle over such things, Miss Loring," said Mr. Dexter; "I
never do. Leave mysteries to philosophers; there is quite enough of
enjoyment upon the surface of things without diving below, into the
dark caverns of doubt and vague speculation. I never liked the word
phenomenon."

"To me it has ever been an attraction. I always seem standing at
some closed door, hearkening to vague sounds within and longing to
enter. The outer life presents itself to me as moving figures in a
show, and I am all impatient, at times, to discover the hidden
machinery that gives such wonderful motion.

"Morbid; all morbid!" answered Dexter, in a lively manner. "Dreams
in the place of realities, Miss Loring. Don't philosophize; don't
speculate; don't think--at least not seriously. Your thinkers are
always miserable. Take life as it is--full of beauty, full of
pleasure. The sources of enjoyment are all around us. Let us drink
at them and be thankful."

"You are a philosopher, I perceive," said Miss Loring, with a smile,
"and must have been a thinker, in some degree, to have formed a
theory."

"I am a cheerful philosopher."

"Are you always cheerful, Mr. Dexter?" inquired Miss Loring.

"Always."

"Never feel the pressure of gloomy states? Have no transitions of
feeling--sudden, unaccountable; as if the shadow of a cloud had
fallen over your spirit?"

"Never."

"You are singularly fortunate."

"Am I, Miss Loring?" and the young man's voice grew tender as he
leaned nearer to the maiden.

"I am blessed with a cheerful temper," he added, "and I cultivate
the inheritance. It is a good gift--blessing both the inheritor and
his companions. Neither men nor women are long gloomy in my
presence."

"I have often noticed your smiling face and pleasant words," said
Jessie, "and wondered if you moved always in a sunny atmosphere."

"You are answered now," he replied.

A little while there was silence. Jessie did not feel the repulsion
which had at first made Dexter's presence annoying; and as he drew
his chair closer, and leaned still nearer, there was on her part no
instinctive receding.

"Yes," she murmured softly, almost dreamily, "I am answered."

"Jessie." The young man's breath was on her cheek--his hand touching
her hand. She remained sitting very still--still as an effigy.

"Jessie." How very low, and loving, and musical was the voice that
thrilled along the chords of feeling! "Jessie; forgive me if I have
mistaken the signs." His hand tightened upon hers. She felt
spell-bound. She wished to start up and flee. But she could not.
There was a strange, overshadowing, half paralyzing power in the
man's presence. Without a purpose to do so, she returned the
pressure of his hand. It was enough.

"Thanks, dear one!" he murmured. "I was sure I had not mistaken the
signs. The heart has language all its own."

Still the maiden's form was motionless; and her hand lay passive in
the hand that now held it with a strong clasp. Yet, how wildly did
her heart beat! How tumultuous were all her feelings! How delicious
the thrill that pervaded her being!

"I love you, Jessie! Dear one! Angel! And by this token you are
mine!" said Dexter, his voice full of passion's fine enthusiasm. And
he raised her hand to his lips, kissing it half-wildly as he did so.

"The gods have made this hour propitious!" he added, as he drew her
head down against his bosom, and laid his ardent lips to hers.
"Bless you, darling! Bless you!" he went on. "My life is crowned
this hour with its chiefest delight! Mine! mine!"

Yet, not a word had parted the maiden's lips, thus spirited away, as
it were, out of herself, and strangely betrayed into consenting
silence. She had neither given her yea nor her nay--and dared as
little to speak the one as the other.

Almost bereft of (sic) physicial power, she sat with her face hidden
on the bosom of this impulsive lover, for many minutes. At last,
thought cleared itself a little, and, with a more distinct
self-consciousness, were restored individuality and strength. She
raised herself, moved back a little, and looked up into the face of
Mr. Dexter. The aspect of her own was not just what the young man
had expected to see. He did not look upon a countenance blushing in
sweet confusion; nor into eyes radiant with loving glances; but upon
a pale face, and eyes whose meanings were a mystery. Slowly, yet
persistently, did she withdraw her hand from his clasp, while slowly
her form arose, until it gained an erect position.

"You have taken me off my guard, Mr. Dexter," she said, a tremor
running through her voice.

"Say not a word, Jessie! say not a word! I am only too happy to have
taken your heart captive. You are none the less my own, whether the
means were force or stratagem."

"Speak not too confidently, sir. Have I"--

Mr. Dexter raised his hand quickly, and uttered a word of warning.
But were silent again. Then the young man said, his manner growing
deferential, and his voice falling to a low and subdued tone--

"Miss Loring, I here offer you heart and hand; and in making this
offer, do most solemnly affirm that you are precious to me as
life.--The highest boon I can crave from heaven is the gift of your
dear self."

As he spoke, he extended his hand towards her. But her own did not
stir from her lap, where it lay as still as if paralyzed.

"This is no light matter, Mr. Dexter," she said; still with the
huskiness and tremor which had before veiled her voice. "I cannot
decide on a thing of such infinite moment, in hot blood and on the
spur of a sudden occasion. You must give me time for reflection."

"The heart knows no time. It neither reasons nor deliberates; but
speaks out upon the instant, as yours has already done, Miss
Loring," replied Dexter, with reviving ardor.

"Time, Mr. Dexter, time! I must have time!" said Jessie, almost
imploringly.

But Dexter, who saw that time might turn the scale against him,
resolved to press his suit then to the final issue.

"I cannot accept delay," he answered, throwing the most winning
tenderness into his voice. "And why should you hesitate a moment?"

"My aunt"--murmured Jessie.

"Consult her with all maidenly formality. That is right--that is
prudent," he said, leaning again very near to her. "But, ere we
separate this morning, let me ask one question--I am not
disagreeable to you?"

"Oh, no, no, Mr. Dexter!" was the quick, earnest reply.

"Nor is your heart given to another?"

"No lips but yours have ever uttered such words as have sounded in
my ears this day."

"And no lips, speaking in your ears, can ever utter such words with
half the heart-warmth that were in mine, dear Jessie! True love is
ever ardent, and cannot wait. I must have a sign from you before I
leave. You need not speak; but lay your hand in mine," and he
reached his hand towards her.

It was a moment of strong trial. Again her thoughts fell into
confusion. Again a wild delicious thrill swept like a strain of
music through all her being. She was within the sphere of an
irresistible attraction. Her hand fluttered with a sudden impulse,
and then, moving towards the hand of Dexter, was seized and covered
with kisses.

"Thanks, dearest!" he murmured. "Thanks! By this token I know that I
am loved--by this token you are mine--mine forever! Happy, happy
day! It shall be the golden one in all the calendar of my life."

With the ardor of passion he drew her to his side again, and
clasping his arm around her, kissed her with all the fervor of an
entranced lover--kissed her over and over again, wildly.

All this was not mere acting on the part of Mr. Dexter. He did love
the sweet young girl as truly as men of his peculiar character are
capable of loving. He was deeply in earnest. There was a charm about
Jessie Loring which had captivated him in the beginning. She was
endowed with rich mental gifts, as well as personal beauty; and with
both, Dexter was charmed even to fascination. Superficial, vain of
his person, and self-satisfied from his position, he had not been
much troubled by doubts touching his ability to secure the hand of
Miss Loring, and by his very boldness and ardor, won his suit ere
she had sufficient warning of his purpose to throw a mail-clad
garment around her.

Dexter remained for only a short period after this ardent
declaration. He had penetration enough to see that Miss Loring was
profoundly disturbed, and that she desired to be alone. He saw with
concern that her countenance was losing its fine warmth, and that
the lustre of her eyes was failing. Her look was becoming more
inverted each moment. She was trying to read her heart, and
understand the writing inscribed thereon.

"I will see you this evening, Jessie," said Mr. Dexter, on rising to
depart. Their intercourse had already been touched with a shade of
embarrassment.

Miss Loring forced a smile and simply inclined her head. He bent
forward and kissed her. Passively--almost coldly was the salute
received. Then they parted. A film of ice had already formed itself
between them.

CHAPTER IV.

ON leaving Mr. Dexter, Jessie Loring almost flew to her room, like
one escaping from peril. Closing and locking the door, she crossed
the apartment, and falling forward against the bed, sunk down upon
her knees and buried her face in a pillow. She did not pray. There
was no power in her to lift a petition upwards. But weak, in
bewilderment of spirit and abandonment of will she bent in deep
prostration of soul and body.

It was nearly an hour before she arose. Very calm had her mind
become in this long interval--very calm and very clear. With the
plummet line of intense thought, quickened by keen perception, she
had sounded the depths of her heart. She found places
there--capacities for loving--intense yearnings--which had remained
hidden until now. The current of her life had hitherto run smoothly
in the sunshine, its surface gleaming and in breezy ripples. But the
stream had glided from the open meadows and the sunshine, and the
shadow of a great rock had fallen upon it. The surface was still as
glass; and now looking downward, she almost shuddered as sight
descended away, away into bewildering depths. She held her breath as
she gazed like one suspended in mid-air.

"Too late! too late!" she murmured, as she lifted herself up. "Too
late!"

Her countenance was pale, even haggard. There was no color in her
lips--her eyes were leaden--her aspect like one who had been shocked
with the news of a great calamity.

Mrs. Loring, Jessie's aunt, had been informed by the servant of whom
she made inquiry, as to the identity of the gentleman who had called
that morning to see her niece--or at least as to the identity of one
of them. She did not make out by the servant's description the
personality of Mr. Hendrickson, but that of Mr. Dexter was clear
enough. She was also informed that the one whose name she could not
guess, made only a brief visit, and that Mr. Dexter remained long,
and was for most of the time in earnest conversation with Jessie.
Her hopes gave her conclusions a wide latitude. She doubted not that
the elegant, wealthy suitor was pressing a claim for the hand of her
niece.

"Will she be such a little fool as to throw this splendid chance
away?" she questioned with herself. "No--no;" was the answer.
"Jessie will not dare to do it! She is a strange girl in some
things, and wonderfully like her mother; but she will never refuse
Leon Dexter, if so lucky as to get an offer."

Mrs. Loring heard Mr. Dexter leave the house, and with expectation
on tip-toe, waited for Jessie to join her in the sitting-room. But
while she yet listened for the sound of footsteps on the stairs
below, her ears caught the light rustle of Jessie's garment as she
glided along the passages and away to her own chamber.

"Something has taken place!" said Mrs. Loring to herself. "There's
been a proposal, I'll bet my life on't! Why didn't the girl come and
tell me at once? Ain't I her nearest relative--and haven't I always
been like an own mother to her? But she's so peculiar--just as Alice
used to be. I don't believe I shall ever understand her."

And Mrs. Loring fretted a little in her moderate way, not being
capable of any very profound emotion. Ten, fifteen, twenty
minutes--half an hour she waited for Jessie to appear. But there was
no movement in the neighborhood of her chamber.

"Didn't Jessie go to her room, after the gentleman went away?" asked
Mrs. Loring, speaking to a servant, who was passing down the stairs.

"Yes, ma'am."

"Is she there now?"

"I believe so ma'am. I haven't seen her anywhere about the house."

The servant passed on, and Mrs. Loring waited for full half an hour
longer. Then, unable to repress impatient curiosity, she went to
Jessie's room and knocked at the door. Twice she knocked before
there was a sound of life within. Then she heard footsteps--a bolt
was withdrawn, and the door opened.

"Jessie!" exclaimed Mrs. Loring, "how white you are! What has
happened?"

"Come in dear aunt!" said Jessie, "I have been wanting to see you;
but had not yet made up my mind to seek you in the sitting-room. I
am glad you are here."

Mrs. Loring passed in and Jessie closed the door.

"Take this seat aunt," and she pointed to an easy-chair: "I will sit
here," drawing a lower one close to that which Mrs. Loring had
taken.

"Now, dear, what has happened?" Mrs. Loring's curiosity had been so
long upon the stretch, that she could ill endure delay.

"Will you listen to me patiently, Aunt Phoebe?"

There was a calmness of manner about Jessie that seemed to Mrs.
Loring unnatural.

"Speak, dear--you will find me all attention."

"I am in a--strait. I must act; but cannot of my own reason,
determine what action is right," said Jessie, "you must think for
me, and help me to a just decision."

"Go on dear," urged Mrs. Loring.

Then as briefly and as clearly as possible, Jessie related all that
had passed in her excited interview with Mr. Dexter. On concluding,
she said with much earnestness of manner:

"And now, Aunt Phoebe, what I wish to know is this--will Mr. Dexter
be warranted in regarding either my words or my actions, as an
acceptance of his offer?"

"Certainly," was the unhesitating reply of Mrs. Loring.

"Aunt Phoebe!"

There was a tone of anguish in the voice of Jessie; and her pale
lips grew paler.

"Why, what can ail you, child?" said Mrs. Loring.

"I had hoped for a different decision. Mr. Dexter took me at
unawares. In a certain sense, I was mesmerized by the stronger
action of his mind, quickened by an ardent temperament.
Self-consciousness was for a time lost, and I moved and acted by the
power of his will. There was no consentation in the right meaning of
the word, Aunt Phoebe, and I cannot think I am bound."

"Bound, fully, in word and act Jessie," was Mrs. Loring's firmly
spoken answer. "And so every one will regard you. Mr. Dexter, I am
sure, will not admit your interpretation for an instant. He, it is
plain, looks upon you as affianced. So do I!"

"Oh, aunt! aunt!" cried Jessie, clasping her hands, "say not so! say
not so! Knowing, as you do, all that occurred, even to the utmost
particulars of my strange position in the interview, how can you
take part against me?"

"Take part against you, (sic) clild! How strangely you talk! One who
did not know Mr. Dexter, might suppose him to be an Ogre, or second
Blue Beard. I think the events of this morning the most fortunate of
your life."

"While I fear they will prove most disastrous," said Jessie.

"Nonsense, child! you are excited and nervous. There is always
something novel and romantic to a young girl in an offer of
marriage. It (sic) it the great event of her life. I do not wonder
that you are disturbed--though I am surprised at the nature of this
disturbance. Time will subdue all this. You have a beautiful life
before you, darling! The cherished bride of Leon Dexter must tread a
path of roses."

A long sigh parted the lips of Miss Loring, and her face, to which
not even the faintest tinge of color had yet returned, bent itself
downward. She was silent.

"You leaned your face against him?" said Mrs. Loring.

"He drew my head down. I had no power of resistance, aunt. There was
a spell upon my senses."

"You did not reject his ardent kisses?"

"I could not."

"And when he extended his hand, and asked you to lay your own within
it, as a sign and a token of love, you gave him the sign and the
token. Your hands clasped in a covenant of the heart! So he regarded
the act. So do I; and so will all the world regard it. Jessie, the
die is cast. You cannot retreat without dishonor."

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