Clarissa, Volume 2 (of 9)

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'But he repeats, that, in all events, he will oppose my being carried to
my uncle's; being well assured, that I shall be lost to him for ever, if
once I enter into that house.' He tells me, 'That my brother and sister,
and Mr. Solmes, design to be there to receive me: that my father and
mother will not come near me till the ceremony is actually over: and that
then they will appear, in order to try to reconcile me to my odious
husband, by urging upon me the obligations I shall be supposed to be
under from a double duty.'

How, my dear, am I driven on one side, and invited on the other!--This
last intimation is but a too probable one. All the steps they take seem
to tend to this! And, indeed, they have declared almost as much.

He owns, 'That he has already taken his measures upon this intelligence:
--but that he is so desirous for my sake (I must suppose, he says, that
he owes them no forbearance for their own) to avoid coming to
extremities, that he has suffered a person, whom they do not suspect, to
acquaint them with his resolutions, as if come at by accident, if they
persist in their design to carry me by violence to my uncle's; in hopes,
that they may be induced from the fear of mischief which may ensue, to
change their measures: and yet he is aware, that he has exposed himself
to the greatest risques by having caused this intimation to be given
them; since, if he cannot benefit himself by their fears, there is no
doubt but they will doubly guard themselves against him upon it.'

What a dangerous enterpriser, however, is this man!

'He begs a few lines from me by way of answer to this letter, either this
evening, or to-morrow morning. If he be not so favoured, he shall
conclude, from what he knows of the fixed determination of my relations,
that I shall be under a closer restraint than before: and he shall be
obliged to take his measures according to that presumption.'

You will see by this abstract, as well by his letter preceding this, (for
both run in the same strain,) how strangely forward the difficulty of my
situation has brought him in his declarations and proposals; and in his
threatenings too: which, but for that, I would not take from him.

Something, however, I must speedily resolve upon, or it will be out of my
power to help myself.

Now I think of it, I will enclose his letter, (so might have spared the
abstract of it,) that you may the better judge of all his proposals, and
intelligence; and les it should fall into other hands. I cannot forgive
the contents, although I am at a loss what answer to return.*

* She accordingly encloses Mr. Lovelace's letter. But as the most
material contents of it are given in her abstract, it is omitted.

I cannot bear the thoughts of throwing myself upon the protection of his
friends:--but I will not examine his proposals closely till I hear from
you. Indeed, I have no eligible hope, but in your mother's goodness
Hers is a protection I could more reputably fly to, than to that of any
other person: and from hers should be ready to return to my father's (for
the breach then would not be irreparable, as it would be, if I fled to
his family): to return, I repeat, on such terms as shall secure but my
negative; not my independence: I do not aim at that (so shall lay your
mother under the less difficulty); though I have a right to be put into
possession of my grandfather's estate, if I were to insist upon it:--such
a right, I mean, as my brother exerts in the bid, that I should ever
think myself freed from my father's reasonable controul, whatever right
my grandfather's will has given me! He, good gentleman, left me that
estate, as a reward of my duty, and not to set me above it, as has been
justly hinted to me: and this reflection makes me more fearful of not
answering the intention of so valuable a bequest.--Oh! that my friends
knew but my heart!--Would but think of it as they used to do!--For once
more, I say, If it deceive me not, it is not altered, although theirs
are!

Would but your mother permit you to send her chariot, or chaise, to the
bye-place where Mr. Lovelace proposes Lord M.'s shall come, (provoked,
intimidated, and apprehensive, as I am,) I would not hesitate a moment
what to do. Place me any where, as I have said before--in a cot, in a
garret; any where--disguised as a servant--or let me pass as a servant's
sister--so that I may but escape Mr. Solmes on one hand, and the disgrace
of refuging with the family of a man at enmity with my own, on the other;
and I shall be in some measure happy!--Should your good mother refuse me,
what refuge, or whose, can I fly to?--Dearest creature, advise your
distressed friend.

***

I broke off here--I was so excessively uneasy, that I durst not trust
myself with my own reflections. I therefore went down to the garden, to
try to calm my mind, by shifting the scene. I took but one turn upon the
filbert-walk, when Betty came to me. Here, Miss, is your papa--here is
your uncle Antony--here is my young master--and my young mistress, coming
to take a walk in the garden; and your papa sends me to see where you
are, for fear he should meet you.

I struck into an oblique path, and got behind the yew-hedge, seeing my
sister appear; and there concealed myself till they were gone past me.

My mother, it seems is not well. My poor mother keeps her chamber--
should she be worse, I should have an additional unhappiness, in
apprehension that my reputed undutifulness had touched her heart.

You cannot imagine what my emotions were behind the yew-hedge, on seeing
my father so near me. I was glad to look at him through the hedge as he
passed by: but I trembled in every joint, when I heard him utter these
words: Son James, to you, and to you Bella, and to you, Brother, do I
wholly commit this matter. That I was meant, I cannot doubt. And yet,
why was I so affected; since I may be said to have been given up to the
cruelty of my brother and sister for many days past?

***

While my father remained in the garden, I sent my dutiful compliments to
my mother, with inquiry after her health, by Shorey, whom I met
accidentally upon the stairs; for none of the servants, except my
gaoleress, dare to throw themselves in my way. I had the mortification
of such a return, as made me repent my message, though not my concern for
her health. 'Let her not inquire after the disorders she occasions,' was
her harsh answer. 'I will not receive any compliments from her.'

Very, very hard, my dear! Indeed it is very hard.

***

I have the pleasure to hear that my mother is already better. A colicky
disorder, to which she is too subject. It is hoped it is gone off--God
send it may!--Every evil that happens in this house is owing to me!

This good news was told me, with a circumstance very unacceptable; for
Betty said, she had orders to let me know, that my garden-walks and
poultry-visits were suspected; and that both will be prohibited, if I
stay here till Saturday or Monday.

Possibly this is said by order, to make me go with less reluctance to my
uncle's.

My mother bid her say, if I expostulated about these orders, and about my
pen and ink, 'that reading was more to the purpose, at present, than
writing: that by the one, I might be taught my duty; that the other,
considering whom I was believed to write to, only stiffened my will: that
my needle-works had better be pursued than my airings; which were
observed to be taken in all weathers.'

So, my dear, if I do not resolve upon something soon, I shall neither be
able to avoid the intended evil, nor have it in my power to correspond
with you.

***

WEDNESDAY NIGHT.

All is in a hurry below-stairs. Betty is in and out like a spy.
Something is working, I know not what. I am really a good deal
disordered in body as well as in mind. Indeed I am quite heart-sick.

I will go down, though 'tis almost dark, on pretence of getting a little
air and composure. Robert has my two former, I hope, before now: and I
will deposit this, with Lovelace's enclosed, if I can, for fear of
another search.

I know not what I shall do!--All is so strangely busy!--Doors clapt to--
going out of one apartment, hurryingly, as I may say, into another.
Betty in her alarming way, staring, as if of frighted importance; twice
with me in half an hour; called down in haste by Shorey the last time;
leaving me with still more meaning in her looks and gestures--yet
possibly nothing in all this worthy of my apprehensions--

Here again comes the creature, with her deep-drawn affected sighs, and
her O dear's! O dear's!

***

More dark hints thrown out by the saucy creature. But she will not
explain herself. 'Suppose this pretty business ends in murder! she says.
I may rue my opposition as long as I live, for aught she knows. Parents
will not be baffled out of their children by imprudent gentlemen; nor is
it fit they should. It may come home to me when I least expect it.'

These are the gloomy and perplexing hints this impertinent throws out.
Probably they arose from the information Mr. Lovelace says he has
secretly permitted them to have (from this vile double-faced agent, I
suppose!) of his resolution to prevent my being carried to my uncle's.

How justly, if so, may this exasperate them!--How am I driven to and fro,
like a feather in the wind, at the pleasure of the rash, the selfish, the
headstrong! and when I am as averse to the proceedings of the one, as I
am to those of the other! For although I was induced to carry on this
unhappy correspondence, as I think I ought to call it, in hopes to
prevent mischief; yet indiscreet measures are fallen upon by the rash
man, before I, who am so much concerned in the event of the present
contentions, can be consulted: and between his violence on one hand, and
that of my relations on the other, I find myself in danger from both.

O my dear! what is worldly wisdom but the height of folly!--I, the
meanest, at least youngest, of my father's family, to thrust myself in
the gap between such uncontroulable spirits!--To the intercepting perhaps
of the designs of Providence, which may intend to make those hostile
spirits their own punishers.--If so, what presumption!--Indeed, my dear
friend, I am afraid I have thought myself of too much consequence. But,
however this be, it is good, when calamities befal us, that we should
look into ourselves, and fear.

If I am prevented depositing this and the enclosed, (as I intend to try
to do, late as it is,) I will add to it as occasion shall offer. Mean
time, believe me to be

Your ever-affectionate and grateful
CL. HARLOWE.

Under the superscription, written with a pencil, after she went down.

'My two former are not yet taken away--I am surprised--I hope you are
well--I hope all is right betwixt your mother and you.'

LETTER XXXVII

MISS HOWE, TO MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE
THURSDAY MORNING, APRIL 9.

I have your three letters. Never was there a creature more impatient on
the most interesting uncertainty than I was, to know the event of the
interview between you and Solmes.

It behoves me to account to my dear friend, in her present unhappy
situation, for every thing that may have the least appearance of
negligence or remissness on my part. I sent Robin in the morning early,
in hopes of a deposit. He loitered about the place till near ten to no
purpose; and then came away; my mother having given him a letter to carry
to Mr. Hunt's, which he was to deliver before three, when only, in the
day-time, that gentleman is at home; and to bring back an answer to it.
Mr. Hunt's house, you know, lies wide from Harlowe-place. Robin but just
saved his time; and returned not till it was too late to send him again.
I only could direct him to set out before day this morning; and if he got
any letter, to ride as for his life to bring it to me.

I lay by myself: a most uneasy night I had through impatience; and being
discomposed with it, lay longer than usual. Just as I was risen, in came
Kitty, from Robin, with your three letters. I was not a quarter dressed;
and only slipt on my morning sack; proceeding no further till I had read
them all through, long as they are: and yet I often stopped to rave aloud
(though by myself) at the devilish people you have to deal with.

How my heart rises at them all! How poorly did they design to trick you
into an encouragement of Solmes, from the extorted interview!--I am very,
very angry at your aunt Hervey--to give up her own judgment so tamely!--
and, not content to do so, to become such an active instrument in their
hands!--But it is so like the world!--so like my mother too!--Next to her
own child, there is not any body living she values so much as you:--Yet
it is--Why should we embroil ourselves, Nancy, with the affairs of other
people?

Other people!--How I hate the poor words, where friendship is concerned,
and where the protection to be given may be of so much consequence to a
friend, and of so little detriment to one's self?

I am delighted with your spirit, however. I expected it not from you
Nor did they, I am sure. Nor would you, perhaps, have exerted it, if
Lovelace's intelligence of Solmes's nursery-offices had not set you up.
I wonder not that the wretch is said to love you the better for it. What
an honour would it be to him to have such a wife? And he can be even
with you when you are so. He must indeed be a savage, as you say.--Yet
he is less to blame for his perseverance, than those of your own family,
whom most you reverence for theirs.

It is well, as I have often said, that I have not such provocations and
trials; I should perhaps long ago have taken your cousin Dolly's advice--
yet dare I not to touch that key.--I shall always love the good girl for
her tenderness to you.

I know not what to say of Lovelace; nor what to think of his promises,
nor of his proposals to you. 'Tis certain that you are highly esteemed
by all his family. The ladies are persons of unblemished honour. My
Lord M. is also (as men and peers go) a man of honour. I could tell what
to advise any other person in the world to do but you. So much expected
from you!--Such a shining light!--Your quitting your father's house, and
throwing yourself into the protection of a family, however honourable,
that has a man in it, whose person, parts, declarations, and pretensions,
will be thought to have engaged your warmest esteem;--methinks I am
rather for advising that you should get privately to London; and not to
let either him, or any body else but me, know where you are, till your
cousin Morden comes.

As to going to your uncle's, that you must not do, if you can help it.
Nor must you have Solmes, that's certain: Not only because of his
unworthiness in every respect, but because of the aversion you have so
openly avowed to him; which every body knows and talks of; as they do of
your approbation of the other. For your reputation sake therefore, as
well as to prevent mischief, you must either live single, or have
Lovelace.

If you think of going to London, let me know; and I hope you will have
time to allow me a further concert as to the manner of your getting away,
and thither, and how to procure proper lodgings for you.

To obtain this time, you must palliate a little, and come into some
seeming compromise, if you cannot do otherwise. Driven as you are
driven, it will be strange if you are not obliged to part with a few of
your admirable punctilio's.

You will observe from what I have written, that I have not succeeded with
my mother.

I am extremely mortified and disappointed. We have had very strong
debates upon it. But, besides the narrow argument of embroiling
ourselves with other people's affairs, as above-mentioned, she will have
it, that it is your duty to comply. She says, she was always of opinion
that daughters should implicitly submit to the will of their parents in
the great article of marriage; and that she governed herself accordingly
in marrying my father; who at first was more the choice of her parents
than her own.

This is what she argues in behalf of her favourite Hickman, as well as
for Solmes in your case.

I must not doubt, but my mother always governed herself by this principle
--because she says she did. I have likewise another reason to believe
it; which you shall have, though it may not become me to give it--that
they did not live so happily together, as one would hope people might do
who married preferring each other at the time to the rest of the world.

Somebody shall fare never the better for this double-meant policy of my
mother, I do assure you. Such a retrospection in her arguments to him,
and to his address, it is but fit that he should suffer for my
mortification in failing to carry a point upon which I had set my whole
heart.

Think, my dear, if in any way I can serve you. If you allow of it, I
protest I will go off privately with you, and we will live and die
together. Think of it. Improve upon my hint, and command me.

A little interruption.--What is breakfast to the subject I am upon?

***

London, I am told, is the best hiding-place in the world. I have written
nothing but what I will stand in to at the word of command. Women love
to engage in knight-errantry, now-and-then, as well as to encourage it in
the men. But in your case, what I propose will not seem to have anything
of that nature in it. It will enable me to perform what is no more than
a duty in serving and comforting a dear and worthy friend, who labours
under undeserved oppression: and you will ennoble, as I may say, your
Anna Howe, if you allow her to be your companion in affliction.

I will engage, my dear, we shall not be in town together one month,
before we surmount all difficulties; and this without being beholden to
any men-fellows for their protection.

I must repeat what I have often said, that the authors of your
persecutions would not have presumed to set on foot their selfish schemes
against you, had they not depended upon the gentleness of your spirit;
though now, having gone so far, and having engaged Old AUTHORITY in it,
[chide me if you will!] neither he nor they know how to recede.

When they find you out of their reach, and know that I am with you,
you'll see how they'll pull in their odious horns.

I think, however, that you should have written to your cousin Morden, the
moment they had begun to treat you disgracefully.

I shall be impatient to hear whether they will attempt to carry you to
your uncle's. I remember, that Lord M.'s dismissed bailiff reported of
Lovelace, that he had six or seven companions as bad as himself; and that
the country was always glad when they left it.* He actually has, as I
hear, such a knot of them about him now. And, depend upon it, he will
not suffer them quietly to carry you to your uncle's: And whose must you
be, if he succeeds in taking you from them?

* See Vol.I. Letter IV.

I tremble for you but upon supposing what may be the consequence of a
conflict upon this occasion. Lovelace owes some of them vengeance. This
gives me a double concern, that my mother should refuse her consent to
the protection I had set my heart upon procuring for you.

My mother will not breakfast without me. A quarrel has its conveniencies
sometimes. Yet too much love, I think, is as bad as too little.

***

We have just now had another pull. Upon my word, she is excessively--
what shall I say?--unpersuadable--I must let her off with that soft word.

Who was the old Greek, that said, he governed Athens; his wife, him; and
his son, her?

It was not my mother's fault [I am writing to you, you know] that she did
not govern my father. But I am but a daughter!--Yet I thought I was not
quite so powerless when I was set upon carrying a point, as I find myself
to be.

Adieu, my dear!--Happier times must come--and that quickly too.--The
strings cannot long continue to be thus overstrained. They must break or
be relaxed. In either way, the certainty must be preferable to the
suspense.

One word more:

I think in my conscience you must take one of these two alternatives;
either to consent to let us go to London together privately; [in which
case, I will procure a vehicle, and meet you at your appointment at the
stile to which Lovelace proposes to bring his uncle's chariot;] or, to
put yourself into the protection of Lord M. and the ladies of his family.

You have another, indeed; and that is, if you are absolutely resolved
against Solmes, to meet and marry Lovelace directly.

Whichsoever of these you make choice of, you will have this plea, both to
yourself, and to the world, that you are concluded by the same uniform
principle that has governed your whole conduct, ever since the contention
between Lovelace and your brother has been on foot: that is to say, that
you have chosen a lesser evil, in hopes to prevent a greater.

Adieu! and Heaven direct for the best my beloved creature, prays

Her
ANNA HOWE.

LETTER XXXVIII

MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE, TO MISS HOWE
THURSDAY, APRIL 6.

I thank you, my dearest friend, for the pains you have taken in
accounting so affectionately for my papers not being taken away
yesterday; and for the kind protection you would have procured for
me, if you could.

This kind protection was what I wished for: but my wishes, raised at
first by your love, were rather governed by my despair of other refuge
[having before cast about, and not being able to determine, what I ought
to do, and what I could do, in a situation so unhappy] than by a
reasonable hope: For why indeed should any body embroil themselves for
others, when they can avoid it?

All my consolation is, as I have frequently said, that I have not, by my
own inadvertence or folly, brought myself into this sad situation. If I
had, I should not have dared to look up to any body with the expectation
of protection or assistance, nor to you for excuse of the trouble I give
you. But nevertheless we should not be angry at a person's not doing
that for ourselves, or for our friend, which she thinks she ought not to
do; and which she has it in her option either to do, or to let it alone.
Much less have you a right to be displeased with so prudent a mother, for
not engaging herself so warmly in my favour, as you wished she would. If
my own aunt can give me up, and that against her judgment, as I may
presume to say; and if my father and mother, and uncles, who once loved
me so well, can join so strenuously against me; can I expect, or ought
you, the protection of your mother, in opposition to them?

Indeed, my dear love, [permit me to be very serious,] I am afraid I am
singled out (either for my own faults, or for the faults of my family,
or perhaps for the faults of both) to be a very unhappy creature!--
signally unhappy! For see you not how irresistible the waves of
affliction come tumbling down upon me?

We have been till within these few weeks, every one of us, too happy. No
crosses, no vexations, but what we gave ourselves from the pamperedness,
as I may call it, of our own wills. Surrounded by our heaps and stores,
hoarded up as fast as acquired, we have seemed to think ourselves out of
the reach of the bolts of adverse fate. I was the pride of all my
friends, proud myself of their pride, and glorying in my standing. Who
knows what the justice of Heaven may inflict, in order to convince us,
that we are not out of the reach of misfortune; and to reduce us to a
better reliance, than what we have hitherto presumptuously made?

I should have been very little the better for the conversation-visits
with the good Dr. Lewen used to honour me with, and for the principles
wrought (as I may say) into my earliest mind by my pious Mrs. Norton,
founded on her reverend father's experience, as well as on her own, if I
could not thus retrospect and argue, in such a strange situation as we
are in. Strange, I may well call it; for don't you see, my dear, that we
seem all to be impelled, as it were, by a perverse fate, which none of us
are able to resist?--and yet all arising (with a strong appearance of
self-punishment) from ourselves? Do not my parents see the hopeful
children, from whom they expected a perpetuity of worldly happiness to
their branching family, now grown up to answer the till now distant hope,
setting their angry faces against each other, pulling up by the roots, as
I may say, that hope which was ready to be carried into a probable
certainty?

Your partial love will be ready to acquit me of capital and intentional
faults:--but oh, my dear! my calamities have humbled me enough to make me
turn my gaudy eye inward; to make me look into myself.--And what have I
discovered there?--Why, my dear friend, more secret pride and vanity than
I could have thought had lain in my unexamined heart.

If I am to be singled out to be the punisher of myself and family, who so
lately was the pride of it, pray for me, my dear, that I may not be left
wholly to myself; and that I may be enabled to support my character, so
as to be justly acquitted of wilful and premeditated faults. The will of
Providence be resigned to in the rest: as that leads, let me patiently
and unrepiningly follow!--I shall not live always!--May but my closing
scene be happy!

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