The Unspeakable Perk

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"But I know about scarabs and I don't know about--about--"

"Girls. So one might suspect. Do you know what I'm doing, Mr.
Beetle Man?"

"N-n-no."

"I'm flirting with you. I never flirted with a scientific person
before. It's awfully one-sided, difficult, uphill work."

This last was all but drowned out in his flood of panicky
instructions, from which she disentangled such phrases as "first
to left"--"dry river-bed-hundred-yards"--"dead tree--can't miss
it."

"If you send me away now, I'll cry. Really, truly cry, this time."

"No, you won't! I mean I won't! I--I'll do anything! I'll talk!
I'll make conversation! How old are you? That's what the Chinese
ask. I used to have a Chinese cook, but he lost all my shirt
studs, playing fan-tan. Can you play fan-tan? Two can't play,
though. They have funny cards in this country, like the Spanish.
Have you seen a bullfight yet? Don't do it. It's dull and brutal.
The bull has no more chance than--than--"

"Than an unprotected man with a conscienceless flirt, who falls on
his neck and then threatens to submerge him in tears."

"Now you're beginning again!" he wailed. "What did you jump for,
anyway?"

"I slipped. An awful, red-eyed, scrambly fiend scared me--a real,
live, hairy devilkin on stilts. He ran at me across the rock. Was
that one of your pet scarabs, Mr. Beetle Man?"

"That was a tarantula, I suppose, from the description."

"They're deadly, aren't they?"

"Of course not. Unscientific nonsense. I'll go up and chase him
off."

"Flying from perils that you know not of to more familiar
dangers?" she taunted.

"Well, you see, with the tarantula out of the way, there's no
reason why you shouldn't--er--"

"Go, and leave you in peace? What do you think of that for
gallantry, Birdie?"

The gay-feathered inquisitor had come quite near.

"Qu'est-ce qu'il dit?" he queried, cocking his curious head.

"He says he doesn't like me one little, wee, teeny bit, and he
wishes I'd go home and stay there. And so I'm going, with my poor
little feelings all hurted and ruffled up like anything."

"Nothing of the sort," protested the badgered spectacle-wearer.

"Then why such unseemly haste to make my path clear?"

"I just thought that maybe you'd go back on the top of the rock,
where you came from, and--and be a voice again. If you won't go, I
will."

He made three jumps of it up the boulder, bearing a stick in his
hand. Presently his face, preternaturally solemn and gnomish
behind the goggles, protruded over the rim. The girl was sitting
with her hands folded in her lap, contemplating the scenery as if
she'd never had another interest in her life. Apparently she had
forgotten his very existence.

"Ahem!" he began nervously.

"Ahem!" she retorted so promptly that he almost fell off his
precarious perch. "Did you ring? Number, please."

"I wish I knew whether you were laughing at me or not," he said
ruefully.

"When?"

"All the time."

"I am. Your darkest suspicions are correct. Did you abolish my
devilkin?"

"I drove him back into his trapdoor home and put a rock over it."

"Why didn't you destroy him?"

"Because I've appointed him guardian of the rock, with strict
instructions to bite any one that ever comes there after this
except you."

"Bravo! You're progressing. As soon as you're free from the blight
of my regard, you become quite human. But I'll never come again."

"No, I suppose not," he said dismally. "I shan't hear you again,
unless, perhaps, the echoes have kept your voice to play with."

"Oh, oh! Is this the language of science? You know I almost think
I should like to come--if I could. But I can't."

"Why not?"

"Because we leave to-morrow."

"Not across to the southern coast? It isn't safe. Fever--"

"No; by Puerto del Norte."

"There's no boat."

"Yes, there is. You can just see her funnel over that white slope.
It's our yacht."

"And you think you are going in her to-morrow?"

"Think? I know it."

"No," he contradicted.

"Yes," she asserted, quite as concisely.

"No," he repeated. "You're mistaken."

"Don't be absurd. Why?" "Look out there, over that tree to the
horizon."

"I'm looking."

"Do you see anything?"

"Yes; a sort of little smudge."

"That's why."

"It's a very shadowy sort of why."

"There's substance enough under it."

"A riddle? I'll give it up."

"No; a bet. I'll bet you the treasures of my mountain-side.
Orchids of gold and white and purple and pink, butterflies that
dart on wings of fire opal--"

"Beetles, to know which is to love them, and love but them
forever," she laughed. "And my side of the wager--what is that to
be?"

"That you will come to the rock day after to-morrow at this hour
and stand on the top and be a voice again and talk to me."

"Done! Send your treasures to the pier, for you'll surely lose.
And now take me to the road."

It was a single-file trail, and he walked in advance, silent as an
Indian. As they emerged from a thicket into the highway, above the
red-tiled city in its setting of emerald fields strung on the
silver thread of the Santa Clara River, she turned and gave him
her hand.

"Be at your rock to-morrow, and when you see the yacht steam out,
you'll know I'll be saying good-bye, and thank you for your
mountain treasures. Send them to Miss Brewster, care of the yacht
Polly. She's named after me. Is there anything the matter with my
shoes?" she broke off to inquire solicitously.

"Er--what? No." He lifted his eyes, startled, and looked out
across the quaint old city.

"Then is there anything the matter with my face?"

"Yes."

"Yes? Well, what?"

"It's going to be hard to forget," complained he of the goggles.

"Then look away before it's too late," she cried merrily; but her
color deepened a little. "Good-bye, O friend of the lowly scarab!"

At the dip of the road down into the bridged arroyo, she turned,
and was surprised--or at least she told herself so--to find him
still looking after her.

II

AT THE KAST

One dines at the Gran Hotel Kast after the fashion of a champignon
sous cloche. The top of the cloche is of fluted glass, with a wide
aperture between it and the sides, to admit the rain in the wet
season and the flies in the dry. Three balconies run up from the
dining-room well to this roof, and upon these, as near to the
railings as they choose, the rather conglomerate patronage of the
place sleeps, takes baths, dresses, gossips, makes love, quarrels,
and exchanges prophecies as to next Sunday's bullfight, while the
diners below strive to select from the bill of fare special
morsels upon which they will stake their internal peace for the
day. No cabaret can hold a candle to it for variety of interest.
When the sudden torrential storms sweep down the mountains at meal
times, the little human champignons, beneath their insufficient
cloche, rush about wildly seeking spots where the drippage will
not wash their food away. Commercial travelers of the tropics have
a saying: "There are worse hotels in the world than the Kast--but
why take the trouble?" And, year upon year, they return there for
reasons connected with the other hostelries of Caracuna, which I
forbear to specify.

To Miss Polly Brewster, the Kast was a place of romance. Five
miles away, as the buzzard flies, she could have dined well, even
elegantly, on the Brewster yacht. Would she have done it? Not for
worlds! Miss Brewster was entranced by the courtly manners of her
waiter, who had lost one ear and no small part of the countenance
adjacent thereto, only too obviously through the agency of some
edged instrument not wielded in the arts of peace. She was further
delightedly intrigued by the abrupt appearance of a romantic-hued
gentleman, who thrust out over the void from the second balcony an
anguished face, one side of which was profusely lathered, and
addressed to all the hierarchy of heaven above, and the peoples of
the earth beneath, a passionate protest upon the subject of a
cherished and vanished shaving brush; what time, below, the head
waiter was hastily removing from sight, though not from memory, a
soup tureen whose agitated surface bore a creamy froth not of a
lacteal origin. One may not with impunity balance personal
implements upon the too tremulous rails of the ancient Kast.

With an appreciative and glowing eye, Miss Brewster read from her
mimeographed bill of fare such legends as "ropa con carne,"
"bacalao seco," "enchiladas," and meantime devoured chechenaca,
which, had it been translated into its just and simple English of
"hash," she would not have given to her cat.

Nor did her visual and prandial preoccupations inhibit her from a
lively interest in the surrounding Babel of speech in mingled
Spanish, Dutch, German, English, Italian, and French, all at the
highest pitch, for a few rods away the cathedral bells were
saluting Heaven with all the clangor and din of the other place,
and only the strident of voice gained any heed in that contest.
Even after the bells paused, the habit of effort kept the voices
up. Miss Brewster, dining with her father a few hours after her
return from the mountain, absolved her conscience from any intent
of eavesdropping in overhearing the talk of the table to the right
of her. The remark that first fixed her attention was in English,
of the super-British patois.

"Can't tell wot the blighter might look like behind those bloomin'
brown glasses."

"But he's not bothersome to any one," suggested a second speaker,
in a slightly foreign accent. "He regards his own affairs."

"Right you are, bo!" approved a tall, deeply browned man of
thirty, all sinewy angles, who, from the shoulders up, suggested
nothing so much as a club with a gnarled knob on the end of it, a
tough, reliable, hardwood club, capable of dealing a stiff blow in
an honest cause. "If he deals in conversation, he must SELL it. I
don't notice him giving any of it away."

"He gave some to Kast the last time he dined here," observed a
languid and rather elegant elderly man, who occupied the fourth
side of the table. "Mine host didn't like it."

"I should suppose Senior Kast would be hardened," remarked the
young Caracunan who had defended the absent.

"Our eyeglassed friend scored for once, though. They had just
served him the usual table-d'hote salad--you know, two leaves of
lettuce with a caterpillar on one. Kast happened to be passing.
Our friend beckoned him over. 'A little less of the fauna and more
of the flora, Senior Kast,' said he in that gritty, scientific
voice of his. I really thought Kast was going to forget his Swiss
blood, and chase a whole peso of custom right out of the place."

"If you ask me, I think the blighter is barmy," asserted the
Briton.

"Well, I'll ask you," proffered the elegant one kindly. "Why do
you consider him 'barmy,' as you put it?"

"When I first saw him here and heard him speak to the waiter, I
knew him for an American Johnny at once, and I went, directly I'd
finished my soup, and sat down at his table. The friendly touch,
y' know. 'I say,' I said to him, 'I don't know you, but I heard
you speak, and I knew at once you were one of these Americans--
tell you at once by the beastly queer accent, you know. You are an
American, ay--wot?' Wot d' you suppose the blighter said? He
said, 'No, I'm an ichthyo'--somethin' or other--"

"Ichthyosaurus, perhaps," supplied the Caracunuan, smiling.

"That's it, whatever it may be. 'I'm an ichthyosaurus,' he says.
'It's a very old family, but most of the buttons are off. Were you
ever bitten by one in the fossil state? Very exhilaratin', but
poisonous,' he says. 'So don't let me keep you any longer from
your dinner.' Of course, I saw then that he was a wrong un, so I
cut him dead, and walked away."

"Served him right," declared the elderly American, with a solemn
twinkle directed at the tall brown man, who, having opened his
mouth, now thought better of it, and closed it again, with a grin.

"But he is very kind," said the native. "When my brother fell and
broke his arm on the mountain, this gentleman found him, took care
of him, and brought him in on muleback."

"Lives up there somewhere, doesn't he, Mr. Raimonda?" asked the
big man.

"In the quinta of a deserted plantation," replied the Caracunan.

"Wot's he do?" asked the Englishman.

"Ah, THAT one does not know, unless Senor Sherwen can tell us."

"Not I," said the elderly man. "Some sort of scientific
investigation, according to the guess of the men at the club."

"You never can tell down here," observed the Englishman darkly.
"Might be a blind, you know. Calls himself Perkins. Dare say it
isn't his name at all."

"Daughter," said Mr. Thatcher Brewster at this juncture, in a
patient and plaintive voice, "for the fifth and last time, I
implore you to pass me the butter, or that which purports to be
butter, in the dish at your elbow."

"Oh, poor dad! Forgive me! But I was overhearing some news of an--
an acquaintance."

"Do you know any of the gentlemen upon whose conversation you are
eavesdropping?"

In financial circles, Mr. Brewster was credited with the
possession of a cold blue eye and a denatured voice of
interrogation, but he seldom succeeded in keeping a twinkle out of
the one and a chuckle out of the other when conversing with his
daughter.

"Not yet," observed that damsel calmly.

"Meaning, I suppose I am to understand--"

"Precisely. Haven't you noticed them looking this way? Presently
they'll be employing all their strategy to meet me. They'll employ
it on you."

Mr. Brewster surveyed the group dubiously.

"In a country such as this, one can't be too--too cau--"

"Too particular, as you were saying," cut in his daughter
cheerfully. "Men are scarce--except Fitzhugh, who is rather less
scarce than I wish he were lately. You know," she added, with a
covert glance at the adjoining table, "I wouldn't be surprised if
you found yourself an extremely popular papa immediately after
dinner. It might even go so far as cigars. Do you suppose that
lovely young Caracunan is a bullfighter?"

"No; I believe he's a coffee exporter. Less romantic, but more
respectable. Quite one of the gilded youth of Caracuna. His name
is Raimonda. Fitzhugh knows him. By the way, where on earth is
Fitzhugh?"

"Trying to fit a kind and gentlemanly expression over a swollen
sense of injury, for a guess," replied the girl carelessly. "I
left him in sweet and lone communion with nature three hours ago."

"Polly, I wish--"

"Oh, dad, dear, don't! You'll get your wish, I suppose, and Fitz,
too. Only I don't want to be hurried. Here he is, now. Look at
that smile! A sculptor couldn't have done any better. Now, as soon
as he comes, I'm going to be quite nice and kind."

But Mr. Fairfax Preston Fitzhugh Carroll did not come direct to
the Brewster table. Instead, he stopped to greet the elderly man
in the near-by group, and presently drew up a chair. At first,
their conversation was low-toned, but presently the young native
added his more vivacious accents.

"Who can tell?" the Brewsters heard him say, and marked the
fatalistic gesture of the upturned hands. "They disappear. One
does not ask questions too much."

"Not here," confirmed the big man. "Always room for a few more in
the undersea jails, eh?"

"Always. But I think it was not that with Basurdo. I think it was
underground, not undersea." He brushed his neck with his finger
tips.

"Is it dangerous for foreigners?" asked Carroll quickly.

"For every one," answered Sherwen; adding significantly: "But the
Caracunan Government does not approve of loose fostering of
rumors."

Carroll rose and came over to the Brewsters.

"May I bring Mr. Graydon Sherwen over and present him?" he asked.
"I can vouch for him, having known his family at home, and--"

"Oh, bring them all, Fitzhugh," commanded the girl.

The exponent of Southern aristocracy looked uncomfortable.

"As to the others," he said, "Mr. Raimonda is a native--"

"With the manners of a prince. I've quite fallen in love with him
already," she said wickedly.

"Of course, if you wish it. But the other American is an ex-
professional baseball player, named Cluff."

"What? 'Clipper' Cluff? I knew I'd seen him before!" cried Miss
Polly. "He got his start in the New York State League. Why, we're
quite old friends, by sight."

"As for Galpy, he's an underbred little cockney bounder."

"With the most naive line of conversation I've ever listened to. I
want all of them."

"Let me bring Sherwen first," pleaded the suitor, and was
presently introducing that gentleman. "Mr. Sherwen is in charge
here of the American Legation," he explained.

"How does one salute a real live minister?" queried Miss Brewster.

"Don't mistake me for anything so important," said Sherwen. "We're
not keeping a minister in stock at present. My job is being a
superior kind of janitor until diplomatic relations are resumed."

"Goodness! It sounds like war," said Miss Brewster hopefully. "Is
there anything as exciting as that going on?"

"Oh, no. Just a temporary cessation of civilities between the two
nations. If it weren't indiscreet--"

"Oh, do be indiscreet!" implored the girl, with clasped hands. "I
admire indiscretion in others, and cultivate it in myself."

Mr. Carroll looked pained, as the other laughed and said:--

"Well, it would certainly be most undiplomatic for me to hint that
the great and friendly nation of Hochwald, which wields more
influence and has a larger market here than any other European
power, has become a little jealous of the growing American trade.
But the fact remains that the Hochwald minister and his secretary,
Von Plaanden, who is a very able citizen when sober,--and is, of
course, almost always sober,--have not exerted themselves
painfully to compose the little misunderstanding between President
Fortuno and us. The Dutch diplomats, who are not as diplomatic in
speech as I am, would tell you, if there were any of them left
here to tell anything, that Von Plaanden's intrigues brought on
the present break with them. So there you have a brief, but
reliable 'History of Our Times in the Island Republic of
Caracuna.'"

"Highly informative and improving to the untutored mind," Miss
Brewster complimented him. "I like seeing the wires of empire
pulled. More, please."

"Perhaps you won't like the next so well," observed Carroll
grimly. "There is bubonic plague here."

"Oh--ah!" protested Sherwen gently. "The suspicion of plague.
Quite a different matter."

"Which usually turns out to be the same, doesn't it?" inquired Mr.
Brewster.

"Perhaps. People disappear, and one is not encouraged to ask about
them. But then people disappear for many causes in Caracuna.
Politics here are somewhat--well--Philadelphian in method. But--
there is smoke rising from behind Capo Blanco."

"What is there?" inquired the girl.

"The lazaretto. Still, it might be yellow fever, or only smallpox.
The Government is not generous with information. To have plague
discovered now would be very disturbing to the worthy plans of the
Hochwald Legation. For trade purposes, they would very much
dislike to have the port closed for a considerable time by
quarantine. The Dutch difficulty they can arrange when they will.
But quarantine would bring in the United States, and that is quite
another matter. Well, we'll see, when Dr. Pruyn gets here."

"Who is he?" asked Carroll.

"Special-duty man of the United States Public Health Service. The
best man on tropical diseases and quarantine that the service has
ever had."

"That isn't Luther Pruyn, is it?" inquired Mr. Brewster.

"The same. Do you know him?"

"Yes."

"More than I do, except by reputation."

"He was in my class at college, but I haven't seen him since. I'd
be glad to see him again. A queer, dry fellow, but character and
grit to his backbone." "I'd supposed he was younger," said
Sherwen. "Anyway, he's comparatively new to the service. His rise
is the more remarkable. At present, he's not only our quarantine
representative, with full powers, but unofficially he acts, while
on his roving commission, for the British, the Dutch, the French,
and half the South American republics. I suppose he's really the
most important figure in the Caracuna crisis--and he hasn't even
got here yet. Perhaps our Hochwaldian friends have captured him on
the quiet. It would pay 'em, for if there is plague here, he'll
certainly trail it down."

"Oh, I'm tired of plague," announced Miss Polly. "Bring the others
here and let's all go over to the plaza, where it's cool."

To their open and obvious delight, exhibited jauntily by the
Englishman, with awkward and admiring respectfulness by the ball-
player, and with graceful ease by the handsome Caracunan, the rest
were invited to join the party.

"Don't let them scare you about plague, Miss Brewster," said
Cluff, as they found their chairs. "Foreigners don't get it much."

"Oh, I'm not afraid! But, anyway, we shouldn't have time to catch
even a cold. We leave to-morrow."

The men exchanged glances.

"How?" inquired Sherwen and Raimonda in a breath.

"In the yacht, from Puerto del Norte."

"Not if it were a British battleship," said Galpy. "Port's
closed."

"What? Quarantine already?" said Carroll.

"Quarantine be blowed! It's the Dutch."

"I thought you knew," said Sherwen. "All the town is ringing with
the news. It just came in to-night. Holland has declared a
blockade until Caracuna apologizes for the interference with its
cable."

"And nothing can pass?" asked Mr. Brewster.

"Nothing but an aeroplane or a submarine."

There was a silence. Miss Polly Brewster broke it with a curious
question:--

"What day is day after to-morrow?"

Several voices had answered her, but she paid little heed, for
there had slipped over her shoulder a brown thin hand holding a
cunningly woven closed basket of reedwork. A soft voice murmured
something in Spanish.

"What does he say?" asked the girl "For me?"

"He thinks it must be for you," translated Raimonda, "from the
description."

"What description?"

"He was told to go to the hotel and deliver it to the most
beautiful lady. There could hardly be any mistaking such specific
instructions even by an ignorant mountain peon," he added,
smiling.

The girl opened the curious receptacle, and breathed a little gasp
of delight. Bedded in fern, lay a mass of long sprays aquiver with
bells of the purest, most lucent white, each with a great glow of
gold at its heart.

"Ah," observed the young Caracunan, "I see that you are persona
grata with our worthy President, Miss Brewster."

"President Fortuno?" asked the girl, surprised. "No; not that I'm
aware of. Why do you say that?"

"That is his special orchid--almost the official flower. They call
it 'the President's orchid.'"

"Has he a monopoly of growing them?" asked Miss Brewster.

"No one can grow them. They die when transplanted from their
native cliffs. But it's only the President's rangers who are
daring enough to get them."

"Are they so inaccessible?"

"Yes. They grow nowhere but on the cliff faces, usually in the
wildest part of the mountains. Few people except the hunters and
mountaineers know where, and it's only the most adventurous of
them who go after the flowers."

"Do you suppose this boy got these?" Miss Brewster indicated the
shy and dusky messenger.

Raimonda spoke to the boy for a moment.

"No; he didn't collect them. Nor is he one of the President's men.
I don't quite understand it."

"Who did gather them?"

"All that he will say is, 'the master.'"

"Oh!" said Miss Brewster, and retired into a thoughtful silence.

"They're very beautiful, aren't they?" continued the Caracunan.
"And they carry a pretty sentiment."

"Tell me," commanded the girl, emerging from her reverie.

"The mountaineers say that their fragrance casts a spell which
carries the thought back to the giver."

"Is that the language of science?" she queried absently, with a
thought far away.

"But no, senorita, assuredly not," said the young Caracufian. "It
is the language--permit that I say it better in French--c'est le
langage d'amour."

III

THE BETTER PART OF VALOR

Night fell with the iron clangor of bells, and day broke to the
accompaniment of further insensate jangling, for Caracuna City has
the noisiest cathedral in the world; and still the graceful gray
yacht Polly lay in the harbor at Puerto del Norte, hemmed in by a
thin film of smoke along the horizon where the Dutch warship
promenaded.

In one of the side caverns off the main dining-room of the Hotel
Kast, the yacht's owner, breakfasting with the yacht's tutelary
goddess and the goddess's determined pursuer, discussed the
blockade. Though Miss Polly Brewster kept up her end of the
conversation, her thoughts were far upon a breeze-swept mountain-
side. How, she wondered, had that dry and strange hermit of the
wilds known the news before the city learned it? With her wonder
came annoyance over her lost wager. The beetle man, she judged,
would be coolly superior about it. So she delivered herself of
sundry stinging criticisms regarding the conduct of the Caracunan
Administration in having stupidly involved itself in a blockade.
She even spoke of going to see the President and apprising him of
her views.

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